Goals for 2011

2010 has been a whirlwind for me. I have spent much of my time keeping up with life while taking care of Emory. It has also been a year of learning some hard lessons , both personally and professionally. I'm really looking forward to the new year and all the possibilities it brings. I
have no doubt that life will continue to school me as I move forward in my thirties. Here are a few things that I have come up with to help me start the New Year off right.

1) Renew my faith
2) Foster a positive in my life, my home, in my marriage, and in rearing our son. Limit or even exclude those influences that are negative and emotionaly draining, even if it is only my perception.
3) Stop trying to fix situations and relationships that are outside my control.
4) Put myself back towards the top of the priority list.
- Working out at least 3 times per week
- Taking time to dress up, do my hair, monthly mani/pedi
- Keeping a up to date planner
- Writing in a journal/blog
- YOGA
4) Have a regular date night. I have this smoking hot hubby who after nearly 12 years of marriage still loves me and the life we have built together.
5) Re-energize myself about my career. I have a great job and work for a great program. I just need to start acting like it!
6) Exercise my creativity by continuing to decorate our home without spending much money.
7) Spend less, save more.

That is all I can think of for now but I have no doubt these goals will continue to eveolve throughout the year.

What are you goals for 2011?

Much love to everyone for a happy and healthy new year!

"Working" on Wednesday

Afetr waiting several days, I finally starting tackling our house yesterday. We have TONS of laundry to be done and Christmas pretty much exploded all over the place. Now that E is starting to feel a little better, it makes it a whole lot easier to get a few things done here and there. So today I will be "working" on the house while spending tiem in my pjs. Can I just tell you how much I love "staycations"?

Merry Christmas!

Hope everyone had an amazing Christmas! Ours was wonderful in spite of Emory being really sick. He came down with a bad fever on Christmas Eve and it just got continually worse. He actually fell asleep in my mom's lap at our family gather. My child does not sit still. Same thing on Christmas Day and therafter. He did however, have brief periods where he felt better and played with his toys. He have never been this sick before (thankfully). We made two visits to the doc over the weeekend and now are on some meds that are helping in his recovery. If I never see a thermomter reading over 103, it will be too soon.

Other than that I am enjoying my time off of work, no checking e-mails or looking at my blackberry. Heck most of yesterday was spent in a new pair of pjs! I am determined to rest, relax and get my mojo back (lol)! I want to have a fresh start coming into 2011 and have a better attitude overall.

Happy Monday everyone!

First Snowfall

This is how we spent some of our time last week.

"Experts"

This is a bit of venting for me which is normal but just not normally in this venue. I am over all the "experts" in my life. You know those people who don't live in your home and have superficifial access to your life but seem to think they know it all. The best part is when they proceed with their judgement or better yet provide their "expert" opinions. I have a choice words I would like to say to some of those "experts" but in the spirit of keeping this blog PG, I will leave those out. However, I will say this. If my way of living doesn't suit you, look the other way or better yet stay away. Don't waste your time trying to figure it out or placing judgements, life is just too short. Me and my boys will keep on living our lives and your should do the same.

Cleaning out my closets!

I am making a public declaration. I am cleaning out my "closets." I have way too much crap! And I don't really mean collectively as a family, I mean my personally. Of course E has quite a bit of stuff but I work really hard to keep it slimmed down but there is certainly room for improvement there too. This "stuff" is causing my house to be too clutter and unorganized which is driving me batty. So it has got to start getting out. We have managed to fill up entirely too much space for my taste in our new house. Just a little less than 2 years ago we lived nicely in a 3 level townhouse and while we have had a baby since that time, he isn't the main culprit. It is time to get busy and start pairing down. This is a perfect time of year since it is before the end of the tax year and everything can be used as a write off which will add up to more money in the coming months! To help keep me accountable, I am going to track my accomplishments over the next few weeks. I may not get it all done by year end but I certainly want to have a good start.

Do you have too much stuff? Do your closets need to be cleaned? Just something to think about!

Letting Go

Why is is that I feel the need to worry about things that are not within my control? I must constantly remind myself that I am not in control, God is. I am only responsbile for my actions. I wish I could say life was always easy and everyone in my life always got along but that is not my reality, never has been. In my world, the ghosts of the past reappear much too often and old wounds are renewed. And while I have no control over it, I do have control over how much I choose to let those things (people) impact me. I am my mother's daughter and a true optimist. I try to see the good in everyone and every situation. I don't want that ever to change, though life sometimes tries really hard to do so. So here I am again, handing it over to the Lord who is more than capable of handling my problems and knows the desires of my heart.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your requests to God.
Philippians 4:6

Successfuly Saturday

Today I hosted a bridal shower for my SIL. It was pleasantly small with close family and friends. I had a lot of fun putting together the favor and decor. Since he wedding is New Year's Day, I went with a snowflake theme. I will post pictures soon.

I started my hard core planning and doing on Thursday evening. I worked really hard to get as much done as possible so I could take a little me time this morning. You see, my mom had agreed to take Emory for the day so I could get ready for the shower. So last night I packed his g and set out his clothes so we would be ready to hit the road when he got up. After meeting my mom, I made a bee line for the nail salon, where I treated myself to a manicure, pedicure and eyebrow wax. All of this for the bargain price of $45 plus tip. It was so nice and relang though I did start fretting a little at the end about getting everything finished up. By all in all it was completely worth it and I feel refreshed. I am hoping I can make this a monthly habit now that NK has a part time gig which is bringing in extra money. It is amazing how a fairly small amount of money and little time can be so good for a mama.

So now the party had ended, mom still has E, NK has left for work and I am alone in the house with my two pups enjoying a little alone time. Hope you all had an awesome Saturday!

Silence

It is funny how much the noise level in our home has changed since we have moved. I have gotten used to the wood stove blower being loud, the tv being on a little louder to compensate, the dogs, any number of household appliances and of course my baby boy making all kinds of noise when he is awake. I always think to myself, "it would be nice to have some peace and quiet." Well today, I am taking that back! As I write this both my boys (NK and EAK) are sleeping, the TV is off, the dogs are downstairs sleeping, and I HATE IT! It makes me feel anxious and lonely. The only sound I hear is that of our heat pumping through the house and my fingers typing on the keys. So to my request for silence, I say "Nevermind!" One day I am sure I will long for silence again and I will reference this post.

Haircut???

It many of E's pictures he is wearing hats. I am a big fan of hats on little ones and I am especially blessed that I have a good friend who knits him these fabulous hats. That being said it doesn't really allow anyone to see his hair which has gotten pretty long. Not quite girl long but still long. NK and I has agreed to let it keep growing until ...well whever. He hasn't quite gotten the curls like mama that we wished for but it does curls somewhat in the back. It is definitely his daddy's hair and it flattens out after wearing one of his many hats. In any case, you can imagine I was quite surprise (SHOCKED) when the Papa mentioned calling his Nana P for a haircut (she is a barber). I instantly started freaking out and he quickly retreated. So I am going to post a picture of the "flat" hair and you decide.

Cutie Pie

My little sweetie pie wearing his Bummis. Don't you just love those little curls??

I SURVIVED!!!

I am really just now coming up for air after the Thanksgiving festitivies. We hosted the event in our home and boy is it a lot of work! We did it potluck style so I had plenty of help but there are somethings that just can't be delegated out like shopping, cleaning, decorating... all while chasing my toddler around the house. Anyway, it was a marvelous event and everyone one had plenty to eat. Once again, I allowed myself to be guilted into Black Friday Shopping with the women in my family. I actually had areally nice time, stuck to list, and saved a lot of money.



We are now onto Christmas. In addition to Christmas, my SIL is getting married on New Year's days so it will be quite a holiday season! NK and I are both in the wedding so we have decided to leave E with a sitter. The wedding is about 1.5 hours away from the house so trying to do nap time and take care of E while participating in the pre-wedding festivities was just too much. I am really going to miss having him there and watching his cute little booty shake to the music. Luckily, I am taking off of work starting December 23rd through the New Year so I will get plenty of fun time with him.



This weekend I am hsoting her bridal shower at our house...wish me luck!

Short Week

Now that I have Emory, the concept of a "short week" just doesn't have the same meaning as it used to. Not to mention we are hosting my family for Thanksgiving tomorrow. All was going on as planned until... Sunday night. N ow I am not sure how other working mamas feel but I personally despise Sunday nights. The day starts off so well with church or pajama time and end with the realization that tomorrow I have to wake up and head to work. This week was not bad, we had a particularly nice Sunday with a visit from friends although it was off because E didn't nap as scheduled. Anyway, I was determined to take a different approach this week. You know, try to be more organized and be grateful for my job, etc. But then around 10pm Sunday night, I realized I had this burning fire in my throat!! Seriously?!?! I have way too much to do this week to be sick, as ridiculous as that sounds. My body laughed at this thought and the illness dredged on. I went to my homeopathic staples and mainstream medicine but by Tuesday morning my throat was so swollen and sore that I cringed every time I had to swallow. Well after two night of Nyquil and a long nap yesterday afternoon (E was with my mom) I woke up this morning feeling somewhat better.

So today I am thankful for ....

MY HEALTH!!

Thankfulness Thursday

Maybe daily is asking a little too much of myself but every few days is good enough. Here is my list for today:

1) Fun Red Tights
2) Morning Sunrise over DC
3) Our Woodstove (Especially since our heat is currently not working)
4) Staying in touch with a friend that I have known since 6th grade
5) Nice drives on country roads
6) A husband who will get up in the night to soothe our baby
7) Pot Luck Family dinners
8) Being called "mama"
9) Exploring our yard with my little one
10) A hot cup of coffee

Fabulous Fall Days

I have skipped a few days since I have been busy enjoying my long weekend! I had off Thursday for the federal holiday and yesterday was my normally scheduled day off. Yesterday was a particularly awesome day, most of which was spent here at home. We got up as family and spent the morning playing an watching TV(The parents not E) while the wood stove was burning. Ahhh...E took a really long nap and then we ran a few short errands before coming back home to enjoy Pizza night. E is such a cutie pie, I spent part of the evening with him chasing me around the house! I would tell him "bye" and then run away and he haul right after me. It was adorable !! While sometimes I miss those newborn days, I am really enjoying this stage! Of course he much more opinionated but he is so much fun!

Today is going to be a great day as well! As soon as E gets up (Don't be jealous, he was up at 3 and 6:50am already) we are going to head over to Kohls since they are about the only place open early and I am sure they are having "the biggest sale of the year." LOL! This afternoon E and Daddy are spending together while I head to a bridal shower for my SIL. The shower is about 1.5 away so I will get some nice alone time with just me and my music. My SIL is getting married to her soul mate on New Year's day. I could go on and on about these two and how special they are to me. I have known my SIL since she was a pre-teen and we have a very special relationship. We have been through a lot together and I can honestly say I think of her as just another one of my sisters. Ever since I did her hair for homecoming all those years ago, I have dreamed about her wedding day. When Nick told me she and MF were getting engaged, I was overwhelmed with images of her in wedding gown and thinking of what a beautiful bride she would be. Luckily for me, I get a front row seat at the event since I am the matron of honor. I know this is stretching a bit but I am also looking forward to the day when she calls to tell me she is pregnant with her first child. She was here for later part of my pregnancy and even attended my last doctor's apt where she was able to hear the heartbeat. Sharing life together has been and will continue to be amazing. How lucky for us both that God not only gave me NK but also my sweet sister, JRH.

Today's Thankfulness:

1) Emory going back to sleep again this morning so I could shower and ease into the day
2) A night spent by the fire, talking with my husband
3) My sisters, every last one of them
4) Cold frosty Fall Mornings
5) My mom and her relationship with E
6) My amazing grandparents who love the Kiernans so much
7) My good friend who currently lives in Hawaii and just sent us 4 new knitted hats for baby boy
8) Yoga Pants
9) Cloth diapers
10) Football

That is all for today! I hope the day is amazing for all of you too.

Attitude of Gratitude

I find that it is most difficult to count your blessing when things aren't going as you want. I had that kind of afternoon. The details are unimportant but I am determined to keep my focus. Here is my list for today:

1) Health Insurance
2) Teleworking
3) A stable job
4) Hand me down clothes for my boy
5) My family
6) Fall leaves coating my yard
7) Waking up to see the sunrise
8) Pumpkin Spice Coffee Creamer
9) Nap time
10) A network of postive and encouraging mamas
and
11) Grace. Knowing no matter how much I screw up, He will always be willing to take me back.

Random thoughts for the day

Life is way to short to spend around people who don't make you feel good about who you are, where you are going, and how you are getting there.

There are blessings all around us if you take the time to notice.

I constantly have to remind myself that I am not living my life for approval of the world but for approval of the Lord.

Every moment spent allowing others negativity (whether it is percevied or intentional) to impact my thoughts prevents me from being the best I can be.

I am blessed to share my life with my soulmate and raise our child together.

Giving Thanks

I noticed not too long ago that one of my friends from Facebook started listing her gratitude list for each day in November until Thanks giving and I think it is a lovely idea! Much too often, I am caught up in the day to day goings on to stop to count my blessings. So here my gratitude list for the day in no particualr order:

1) Being able to get our of bed and have all my parts work
2) Soreness from yesterday's run
3) Having a warm body next to me each night
4) Getting my sleepy son up to feed him before heading off to work
5) A warm house with a fire burning in the wood stove
6) Having a hot meal to eat when I get home from work
7) My husband's sense of humor
8) My curly hair....yes that's right I said it...MY CURLY HAIR
9) My awesome heavy brown comforter
10) A bottle waiting on the ledge for me to give to E each morning
11) My "girls"who always greet me with there wagging tales
12) My early morning conversations with my Auntie B
13) My extra hot, skim milk Toffee Nut Latte from Starbucks
14) Having good friends who get me

I will try to keep this up until Thanksgiving or maybe even afterward.

Return to Me...

Prior to having my son, I was a runner. Now I don't mean a hard core marathon gal but I ran all the same. I started getting the feel of running for something other than a sport towards the end of my college days at MBC. After I graduated and began working in the city, I assimilated to the metro culture and began running during my lunch break. The height of my running career was in September 2007 when I ran the USMC half-marathon. It was an awesome experience and something I never dreamed I would accomplish. I continued to run after than and even into my pregnancy. I actually completed a 10K with my fellow MBC gals when I was 15 weeks pregnant and that was it until after E was born. I did find other ways to exercise that were a little more comfortable. Since I had E, I have ran less than a dozen times for whatever the reason (excuse). I remember going for a run last November while NK watched E and feeling so joyful I wanted to cry. It wasn't long but it meant everything to me.

After getting beyond those first euphoric months and returning to work, I have continued to have this little nagging feeling that something was off balance. Not matter what I have tried to do, it never seemed to fully go away and today I finally realized why. I am missing part of me. Running has been part of me for nearly 10 years. It has been a source of stress relief and mental therapy that is better than any money could buy. It is part of who I was/am without any strings attached, just me, my music, and the road. From time to time, I gain a partner but I can honestly say I am completely content to go by myself.

This thought process has also made me realize something else. For the past year, I have been putting off buying a jogging stroller. I blamed it the cost of even the lack of color selection but I now know that has nothing to do with it. Running was part of the 'old me', the me before I had a baby and forever became a mother. Part of me, through that little voice was struggling to keep just one thing to myself. When I run, I am not a mom or even a wife ...I am just me.

$$$Spend Free Weekend$$$

So I SERIOUSLY need to curtail my spending. I have been spending money on things here and there that have really been adding up. And the truth be told, I have been in a bit of funk lately and I guess I figured throwing money at the problem might help? Really? I am financial analyst for heaven's sake. I know better. Don't get me wrong, it isn't as I have been out there burning up my credit cards and ringing up thousands in debt but I have been pushing the limits for me. So I proposed to another mama friend that we go spend free just until Black Friday. Easy enough, right? I failed miserably this week. I was training this week and felt the need to buy lunches, etc although the facility provided beverages and morning snacks. We also had access to a fridge and microwave. ( I did bring lunch twice) To my friend, I apologize. I had no will power and I failed to follow through on our challenge. I promise to do better.

So what now? Well the first step is the put the past in the past and start over. I am going to start small with just the weekend and go from there. I do have a few household items and of course groceries I need to buy but I am keep it to the bare essentials. I think this will actually help me to enjoy my weekend more too which is an added bonus. I really despise the traffic and craziness that goes on in my area on the weekends. It is like people can't wait to spend their paycheck are racing out the door to give away their money. Not me, not this weekend. Instead I plan to organize my closet and put together some outfits for the week, read some of my library book, have meaningful interactions with my beloved, and most importantly spend time playing with my baby boy. This week has been exceptionally hard on me and I am hoping to recharge a little before heading back to work on Monday.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

DK

Cloth Wipes

I admit it. I am part "crunchy." I say only part because I am certainly not completely "green" by any stretch but I do flirt with the idea every now and then. My latest crunchy expedition has been using cloth wipes. A friend of mine (at the time a mama to be) who is a web surfing expert sent me a few blogs that discussed cloth wipes. Now, you might remember from a previous entry that I was attempting to cloth diaper but cloth wipes? No way! Or so I thought. One thing I continue to learn now that I am a mama is to never say never. It is kind of a long story that lead me to go down the cloth wipe path but let's keep it short. E had experienced some severe tummy issues which caused his tiny bum to be red, raw, and extremely painful after repeated changing. After a visit with our pediatrician, she recommended using warm water and cloths when changing E since even the sensitive wipes have alcohol in them. So Papa and I immediately make the switch. I filled a spray bottle with warm water and mild soap to use with our cloths. Well after a couple of weeks something hit me...we were using cloth wipes!! So I figured why not make it official? So I went back to those resources my( now mama) friend had sent to me and went about the process. It is super easy! I already had most of what I needed on hand which was a wipe warmer, clothes, water, baby wash and baby oil. I do also recommend tea tree oil as it helps with the smelly in your diaper pail. I started off using washcloths and cut up scraps of old burp cloths. Eventually I did order some cutie pie ones from a vendor on Etsy. Her shop is called TurtlesRUs and she does great work. I received 24 flannel wipes for 10.99 plus shipping. So there it is, my crunchy confession. If you are interested, there is a ton on info on the web that will guide you on how to make your own cloth wipes. Enjoy!!

Here is the link to the Etsy site:

http://www.etsy.com/listing/59028692/football-teddy-bears-puppiesflannel

Enjoying Fall

My husband the "Woodsman"

As I may have mentioned, Fall is my favorite season. I love it, I mean really love it. To me, nothing marks Autumn better than the smell of the smoke coming from a chimney. We haevd a woodstove in our home now which he love. My hubby need only hear me mention having a fire and he is on it. As the cold months begin, he gets into full woodman mood even growing a full beard!

I absolutely love having a fire and we used it as our primary source of heating during last year's cold months which I have no doubt saved us a fortune. Of course there is a lot of time and effort that goes into getting wood to burn. NK is awesome, he has been getting wood ready for us since this summer. E's grandpa calls him everytime there is free wood available which is awesome. Just last weekend, NK and my soon to be brother-in- law cut down a tree in our back yard. Afterward, hubby went about cutting, moving, and splitting it all to get it ready to use. Just last night, we got the call that there is more free wood available. So this afternoon the woodman will be at work again!

13 Months

The weeks since Emory has turned one have literally flown by like a speeding bullet. September is the busiest month for me in my new position and it was compounded by the fact that we were hosting a major event at the same time. It was a struggle to get through but I survived and new fiscal year has begun.

On top of that, we were working on transitioning Emory to whole milk. We discovered he suffers from milk intolerance, although he eats all other dairy. After going from soy milk, to formula, to toddler formula, to a rice milk/coconut blend, we have settled on toddler formula while gradually adding an once of 2% milk(for now) until his tummy is able to handle whole milk. From what I have read one the web, this is common occurance and many tiem children outgrow it by 15 or 16 months.

So now that the dust has settled a bit, I should be able to get back on track with blogging!

The pictures above are from the Fall Jubilee in Old Town Manassas. Emory loved every minute of it and as you see was so excited even in the car. This was a tradition for me as a child and I was thrilled to be able to take my child. It was a beautiful morning with perfect weather.

Shyness and Separation Anxiety

Shy? No way. Well at least that is what I thought to be true until this weekend. While there are a few rare exceptions, E seems more than willing to strike up conversation with anyone at the grocery store, Target, etc. And sure when he is meeting new people, he is a little more attached for the first few minutes but after that he is off and running (literally). So this weekend when we went down to visit my family, I was a little surprised that he was hiding behind his daddy and motioning to be held. However, like usual after a few minutes of getting settled (and being enticed by new toys) the shyness wore off and he was the life of the party.


So what about separation anxiety? I have read at length about separation anxiety rearing it's ugly head in late infancy and possibly extendingthrough early toddler hood. I honestly thought it just didn't apply to E. Sure there was the one time, we dropped him off with my aunt and he was upset but that was a fluke, right? Oh and that period of 4 to 6 weeks when he screamed when we left the room but that was just him not wanting to be alone, right? DUH! That is/was separation anxiety! Normally, Emory seems to be more than willing to take off and play with other kids which is serving a motivation for me to get my butt out of bed on Sunday morning to take him to "Sunday School" aka the nursery. The first time we went was back in May and he loved it! It made my heart smile to see him playing with other babies his age. The same was true when I took him last week. He moved up to a new class with more mobile babies and again he was happy to play the other kids. It was a no brainer...until yesterday. I went to check him into class. He was the first one to arrive. Not thinking anything of it, I handed him over to the nice lady and BAM! The crocodile tears starting flowing. He looked back at me with his face red, tears streaming, and reached his tiny hand back to me. It was HORRIBLE! The logical part of me knew he would settle down once other kids arrived and he no longer saw me lingering. All I wanted to do was swoop him up and run out the door. What did I do? I did what I should which was grabbed my parent pager, took a deep breath, and walked away. It was one of the hardest things I have had to do but honestly could he have been in better hands? I mean these ladies willingly volunteer that time to be in a room full of babies who may cry, drool, puke, poop, or any number of wonderful things little one are known to produce. Of course, I was a bit distracted during the beginning of the service and was sure my pager went off. Guess what? It didn't. In fact, it never did. I did finally relax and before you know it the service was over. (I did sneak out a few minutes early, but hey I am HUMAN!) When I went to pick him up, he was playing with the other kids just like he had the times before. He did however burst into tears again once he saw me...oh the guilt. I know many moms go through this much earlier when they drop their children off at daycare. I am fortunate that E stay with his papa so when I leave for work, he is sound asleep. So what I have I learned from this?



1) Expect the unexpected. Just when you think you know what to expect, these little ones change it all up.

2) Make your exits quick! More often then not, your baby will settle down as soon as your out of site or shortly thereafter. Lingering makes it worse for you both.

3) Make sure E is not the first one in the nursery :o) He seems much more willing to run in and play when other kids are around.

4) Maybe dragging the bambino to church the morning after being in a car all day, off schedule napping, and going to bed late isn't the best idea.

12 Month Check Up

This is going back a few weeks!

September 14, 2010

We had E's 12 month check up this week. I say it all the time but I just can't believe it has been a year already! This visit we saw a new peditrician since our previous one moved to another center. She is just as awesome as the first! According to her, he is growing and developing just as be should be. In some instances even ahead of schedule.

My oh my, how he has grown!

Emory at Birth:

7lbs, 2oz

20.5 inches long

Emory at 1 year:

22lbs, 2 oz

29.75 inches long

My New Life

This picture pretty much describe my life as it is today. It was taken the morning after E's 1st Birthday Party. He is proudly sporting his new Spider Man pajamas and running down the hall. Gone are the days of guilt free naps, sleeping in, taking long showers, girls weekends, and monthly pedicures. Sure I could still do some of these things but the truth is, I don't want to. If I have learned anything over the past year it is how quickly the moment can pass you by. Our son has grown from an a tiny newborn to a toddler is what seems like an instant. So one day, I will happily return to all of those things that were part of my old lifebut for now I will blissfully live my new one.

Firsts

September 1, 2010...can September already be here? Can it really be the 1st? As I sit here this morning I am struck by the word, first. The word first evokes specific meaning to everyone but to me I think of it as it relates to a special time or event. This leads to me to my real topic of the day, my first born Emory Abram. I will try to make it through this post without too many tears!

To my sweet baby boy,

Could it be possible that we are approaching your first birthday already? Where has the time gone? I am amazed that although it has gone by fast, it feels like we have a lived a lifetime in this past year. We have experienced so many firsts together as a family. You first day of life, your first night home, first bath, first smile, first Halloween, Christmas, Easter, 4th of July, first time rolling over, sitting up, first foods, first tooth, first road trip, first bottle, first play date, first time crawling, first steps, and the list goes one. This first year has been filled with milestones that I feel so blessed to be able to share with you. It is odd because no one event seems more special than the other, after all there were your first. You have become such an amazing little person in only a year.

I am not sure what the future hold or whether we will add more children to our family but always know you hold a special place in my heart because you are my first. You were the first to grow in my belly, the first I held in my arms. I will never forget the day I found out I was pregnant with you or how I felt seeing you on the sonogram with your Daddy by my side. I had no idea what the expect in the coming months and every week was filled with excitement to see what happened next. I enjoyed being pregnant and the time we shared together. When you were born, I was filled joy, excitement, maybe a little fear, but mostly love. A love that only a mother can feel and describe. As our first hours turned into days, weeks, months, and now almost a year my love for you has only grown. It is odd that although you have only been here a year, I feel like I have known you all of my life. So my sweet boy as I approach your first birthday, I want you to know that I am anxiously awaiting all of your next firsts and will be here to share each one.

I can't end this without giving acknowledgement to the one I loved first. To the one who gave me the most precious gift I have ever known. NK, I love you more than I could have ever imagined. I have shared so many incredible firsts with you, my first real date, my first dozen roses, my first time falling in love, my first puppy, my first home, and all of the other experiences we have shared over our 16 years together.

My first year as a mother has been a wild ride and although every day has not been easy, at the end of the day I have what I have always dreamed of... a family.

Heartache...

Have you ever loved someone so much it made your heart ache? I mean, you could physically feel your heart swelling with love? I have been blessed to have this feeling twice in my life. The first is with my love, NK, and the second is with my sweet baby boy.

I just received my latest http://www.babycenter.com/ update and it was for my 11 month old, week 3. Seriously? How did I get here? Wasn't it just a few months ago I was anxiously awaiting his arrival? The months has flown by like an amazing dream filled with every emotion possible. I can't help but wonder what I could have done better or if only I was a little more patient but then my better half, the one who I first loved, reminds me that I have done great. After shedding some tears tonight and grieving a little, I am ready to accept his words. I have done a great job and I am good mom although I may not be perfect. So as I lay down tonight to go to sleep I will cut myself some slack and be as kind to myself as I am to my other mom friends.

However, if you were to ask has it been worth it? Absolutely. Would I do it all over again? In a heart beat.

I love you, Emory Abram Kiernan.

Playgroup

The remodeling is just about complete! We just need to do the last finishing touches and of course decorate! I will post pictures sometime soon.

Amongst the chaos in our home over the weekend, Emory and I escaped to our monthly playgroup. My friend and I had discussed how difficult it was to find playgroups or classes that were offered at times that were convenient for working moms. So we decided to start our own! The concept it pretty simple, one Saturday a month a mama hosts either at her home or somewhere local the kiddos will enjoy. Last month we strolled to a tot lot for the kids to play, gave them free play time, and enjoyed lunch. This month it was water play in baby pools and another yummy lunch. The babies have a great time interacting with each other. Emory loves getting to see not only the other children but the other mamas as well and I think the mamas are forming bonds with the other children as well. A wonderful unintended consequence! For now we have 7 mamas and 8 babies (one set of twins) ranging from 5 to 16 months but I have every expectation that the group will continue to grow!

UPDATE

I am super excited because we are in the middle of doing some updates to our home! We have lived here a little over a year and there are some things that I have really wanted to do but didn't have the time or money to do before E arrived or since. So out of the blue a contractor who is a friend of a friend called us and was able to start the next day. The best part is that between the contractors' work and work we will do on our own, it should be completed before E's 1st Birthday! So my house is in complete choas and I couldn't be happier! Stay tuned for updates.

It's Been Awhile

It is hard to believe it is already August! The cliche "Time Flies" has never been truer for me since Emory's birth. I marvel each day that it doesn't seem like very long ago that I was anxiously awaiting to arrival of my sweet boy. As we inch closer to his 1st birthday, I continue to feel incredibly nostalgic. I am torn between sadness over how quickly he has grown and missing those early days yet I am excited for each new phase. Over the past few weeks he has been building confidence and taking steps and just last night he went for it! His is till in the early stages but he is walking. Agan, this leaves me with mixed emotions. I thought we had a little more time! We have really been enjoying this summer and spending quite a bit of time home as a family. Emory and I also helped found a working mother's playgroup! We had our first playdate last week. All in all life it pretty great. I hope to update this blog more often since I has been working on riding myself of other usless distractions!

Chasing Time

So I have to come to realize that almost all of the parenthood cliches are true! Especially the ones about time going by so fast and children growing up so quickly. The changes in Emory are amazing and yet bittersweet. He just hit 9 months this month and all I can say is "Really, where did the time go?" Emory is such a happy baby. His personality seems to be a mix of both mine and NKs. He has a great sense of humor and just love to play...all day long. We have conquered some amazing feats like mastering a sleep schedule for both day and night. He has learned how to put himself to sleep and self soothe all while training us to be smart enough to learn
his signals. I do still get pretty sentimental and to go back and re-do the early days. I do however love spending each day with him and seeing what else he has learned.

When I was pregnant and even on maternity leave, I had concerns of how I would manage working and being a mom. I thought by working my hours combined with having a long commute I would prevent me from being unable to really enjoy him and feel like I was missing out. I have not found that to be true. My new work schedule is amazing. Working from home every Tuesday is challenging but I would not trade it for anything. I get to see that toothy grin when he wakes up in the morning and be there for naps, playtime, etc. Those are our family days. And between us, I love taking my lunch break at 2pm to watch the Sopranos with NK! I also have off every other Friday. So all in all it has worked out better than I could have expected.

Consignment Shopping and Yard Sale-ing

Hello all! I can't believe how quickly times passes for me now that I am a mom. It is hard to believe that May is more than half over! I am super happy today because my college roommmate who is one of my closest friends just had her baby this morning! A baby boy at that. I am really looking forward to rasing our sons together.

A few weeks ago I made a weekend adventure out to Warrenton to attend a consignment, community, and yard sales. It was a great weekend for it and we fould lots of great finds! We were able to get some larger toys and lots of clothes/shoes that were all in great condition. At one house alone we picked up a large bag of clothes with nothing but name brand clothes and shoes like Polo, Gymboree, Baby Gap,stride Rite, Saucony, etc. This mama spent A LOT of money on her son's clothes and she was pregnant with a girl! In order to make the most out of second shopping, I would recommend a few things:

1) Go early- It is true that the early bird catches the worm. You are able to get the first pick at the nicest items. The only downside is that because it is early the seller may not be as willing to negotiate.

2) Be Picky- Take your time and look over items completely before you purchase. I have been burned a few times by rushing to buy something because it was name brand or a "good deal" only to find it wasn't in very good condition.

3)Don't be afarid to haggle- For the most part, people are more than willing to work a deal with you to unload their stuff. That last thing anyone wans to do is haul their sutff back into their after putting it all out. But remember to be reasonable!

4) Look for name brands- More often than not, if you spend more you get more. I have found thi to be especially true with baby/childrens clothes. Name brand items last longer. As an example, E inherited a Polo hoodie from his cousin who is 16! Name brands companies also tend to make less trendy items which can be worn forever.

So there are a few of my tips for getting the best items at a bargain. Children's clothing is a great item to purchase second hand because they grow so quickly that the items are usually never worn. And most importantly you can save so much!


I am posting a few pics of the E's new rocking dinosaur and our new backpack carrier. Grand total for these items...$7!

Nursing

What a gorgeous day we have today in VA! I still cannot believe it is already May. Where has the time gone? Emory will be 8 months old tomorrow and I will be celebrating my first real Mother's Day this weekend (to a human anyway). E is so active and seems to be growing/changing everyday. And while I love seeing the changes, it does make me a little sad. I completely understand the cliches everyone told me about children growing up so fast.

With all these changes, we are coming to the end of another phase...nursing. My milk supply has gradually decreased since I returned to work but I have still been faithful about pumping several times a day. Whatever milk I do get, gets mixed in with the bottles he takes while I am away. He is drinking formula like a pro and is eating 3 jars of food a day now! He has put on weight and is our little chubster! He has very little interest in settling to nurse during the day anymore which makes me long for the days when he nursed all the time. Now the best time to nurse seems to be morning and night. I never realized how attached I would become to breastfeeding but I really am. I have really enjoyed the closeness we have had and bond we've shared which is why I have struggled so much with giving it up. Even thinking about not nursing makes me anxious. Because I thought pumping was becoming stressful, I thought I would stop pumping and just nurse while at home. I experimented with this on Wednesday and it didn't go well for me. I was sure I would feel this overwhelming since of relief and freedom but I didn't. The day was fine and I was busy but I missed the time away from my desk. I feel like pumping is my "Mommy Time" and not having that left me a little lost. So the pump is back and I am going to gradually "wean" myself rather than trying to quit cold turkey. Funny, right? I have to "wean" myself. My plan is to do it 2X per day this next week and then bring it down to 1X per day for a couple of weeks. Depending on how I feel afterI am planning to fill my new found time with going back to the gym. that, I will stop pumping at work altogether and just nurse morning and night.

When I allow myself to separate from the emotions and think objectively, I know I have a lot to be proud of. The statistics of moms who quit nursing soon after returning to work are so high. And like a close friend told me, it isn't really me it is my body and E telling me it is ending. This is the same amazing body that has taken me on countless runs, suffered through a Half Marathon, carried my precious baby for 9 months, and healed after a C-section. How could it be wrong?!?!

Cloth v. Disposable

After getting lots of advice from some cloth diapering mamas, I have decided to dip my toe in the pool and give it a try! It was something I have always wanted to do but when I read about it when I was pregnant, I felt completely overwhelmed. And honestly, I am not sure I could have handled cloth diapering in those ealy days when you are changing so many diapers with a screaming baby in the middle of the night. So now that things are little more predictable I decided to give it a whirl. There are a few reasosn why I personally wanted to try them out.

1) Cost Savings- The intitial investment in cloth diapers/covers can seem a little much but once you use them they eventually pay for themselves.

2) Environmental Impact- It is no secret that diapers sit in our landfills for a LONG time. So even using these part time would elimate some waste.

3) Longing for the "Good Old Days"- Sometimes I feel like I was born in the wrong time period. I appreciate technology and all it has to offer but I long for simpler times. I really try to apply this principal more than ever now that I have E.

I was given some great recommendations but most of the options are available only on-line. I had a bit of hard time understanding how they worked so I felt it would be
good to go with something I could actually see. The only option other than the basic cloth diapers were the g Diapers which I found at Babies R Us. Target had nothing but plastic pants. So I purchased 2 G Diaper covers for approx. $21 after a 20% off coupon. It also came with 3 pocket liners. Initially I tried using them with the generic flat fold cloth diapers which I folded and placed in the pocket liners...not so great. They are not very absorbent. I had really wanted to get pre-fold cloth diapers but wasn't having much luck finding those at Babies R Us. So I went back to the web and searched for another option. I ordered g Diaper Cloth Inserts ($25 for 6) which are made of fleece and hemp cotton. Again, you line these in the pocket liners. Prior to using you are supposed to wash (w/o detergent)and dry 6 times. Honestly, I washed them twice before using after reading some reviews. This was better but still not perfect. Back to the web/FB I went and it seems that you do need to change cloth diapers on a more strict schedule than disposable no matter which brand you use. After learning this the hard way while out errand running on Saturday, I tried another attempt to make this work. I found Gerber Premium Pre-fold Cloth Diapers ($11 for 6). The pre-folds works great! Just like I had thought. I just fold them up and put them in the pocket. Part of it is slightly doubled over to fit which provided extra absorbency. My other option is using the g Diapers cloth insert with a flat fold (fairly thin) diaper. Of course both of these leave you with a bulkly but but once you have that cute booty in that diaper cover..who really cares? So there it is my adventures in cloth diapering!

Finally!

I think I have finally managed to come up with the right web address for my blog! I have have gone from making it about Baby Kiernan to more of blog about me and my life as a mom! So here is it "lifeofanimperfectmama".

I am so happy today is Friday! It has been a long week and I am looking forward to a nice relaxing weekend. Wednesday I brought Emory to work with me since it was "Bring Your Child to Work Day" for my office. It was a lot of fun and Emory was great. He let everyone hold him and was on his best behavior. He even napped! The only bad part is that we had a fire drill (suspected gas leak) which forced everyone out in the pouring rain! We did get back into the building but that left me exhausted! We left a little early and within a few mins Emory was fast asleep.

I was able to work from home 2 days this week...hooray! Unfortunately, Nick was not feeling well and needed some help with E but it was nice to be home. I got to see my MIL off as well. I love the flexiblity of this new job. It is awesome having a boss who understands what it is like to be a new mom since she is one herself. Her son is just 1 week younger than E!

Sleep Methods

As a new mom, I am always scouring for new information on baby techiniques. My latest focus has been on getting Emory to sleep through the night. We don't really have an issues getting him to go to bed though we went through a tough phase about a month ago. I have sought recommendations for some of my close friends and family. I have learned that everyone definitely has a strong opinion about this topic! I have purchased the book by Dr. Richard Feber , "Solving you childs sleep problems." I tried applying some of the techniques without reading all of the chapters and it did not go so well. So I have decided to keep reading and figure out a method that will work for us. More to follow...

A productive weekend!

I am really enjoying my long weekend. For those of you who don't know, I worked a compressed schedule which allows me to work 8-9hr days, 1 8hr day, and have off every other Friday. It is so nice having and extra day at home. Also, with my new job I am able to work from home every Tuesday which I I love!

My MIL is visiting for a week so NK and I have really been able to get some things done while E is bonding with Nana. Yesterday was weeding, cleaning, and mulching our large flowerbed. It looks great! Now we get to do the fun part....picking out what to plant. Definitely exhausting but time well spent.

Today I tackled E's room/closet. We have been blessed with tons of hand me down clothes but I hadn't had the time to go through them all. That coupled with tons of clothes he had outgrown was leaving his room out of sorts. I had vowed that no matter the condition of the rest of the house, his room will be neat and organized! I purchased plastic separators that you label with the size on them in order. Now E's closet is completely organized with clothes from 6mths (barely fitting) to 18 months. Another effort that was time well spent because now I know what he has and there is no need to go buy anything!

Finally on Sunday, I tackled out basement. Our basement is fully finished but has been mostly unutilized since we moved in. Recently Nick set up air mattresses .end tables in the a guest room on one of the rooms for guests staying over for my birthday weekend. I liked it so much, I asked him to keep it that way. I need to get in there and do some fine tuning (aka decorating) but he was off to a great start. With the help of my MIL we set up the rec room. Cleaned, organized and decorated using some of Nick's Red Sox memorabilia. We have a futon and tv on one side and a card table ready for poker on the other. We also allow the dogs to play with their toys in that area. I am really pleased with how it has turned out. It was a NO COST makeover. The basement still needs to be painted but until then we still have a usuable space. Nick has done so much to help me feel comfortable in the new house, especially while I was pregnant, that I really wanted to do something nice for him in return.

All in all, I had a great weekend which was super productive. Nick and I even managed a date night on Saturday. We had a few drinks...alone! It was like old times.

Memories

Stirring....

I know this sounds strange but I feel like there is a stirring going on in my life in many areas. Like, change is is coming....positive change.

In the past year my life has changed more than I could have imagined. We moved into a new house, sold our beloved first home (our townhouse), lost my "Big Dog", had a baby and started a new job. Many of those things were wonderful but some were extremely painful and hard to go through. This has left me not knowing, at times, which was is up and which is down. Despite all the challenges, I feel incredibly blessed. God has put me right where I need to be at this time. I refuse to focus on the negative aspects of my life. I honestly believe you can speak truth into life. Not that I haven't done that in the past, I know I have. I have been guilty of not only being negative about my life but those of others as well. I have learned how hurtful this can be when the shoe is on the other foot. So the best I can tell is we are all here trying to do the best we can each day so rather than judging we should be supporting one another!

So what is the point? The point for me is that I will take all of the lessons learned from this past year and start new. I am trusting in the Lord to help me change where changes needs to be. I am working hard to be a better wife, mother, friend, and employee.

"What happen yesterday has disappeared...the dirt has washed away and now it's clear. There's only grace..."

Good Friday

I am so happy that I decided to take an extended weekend to give myself time away from work. I am loving my new job but felt the need to get away for a few days, be with the family and regroup. The past year has been a whirlwind for me and at times I am still trying to catch my breath!

Yesterday, Emory (E) and I ventured to WV to have a photo session with SNL Photography (http://www.snlprophoto.com/). And while we weere there we visiting our cousins, the Troxells. This was the furthest E and I had traveled unaccompanied! The ride up was great. Sunshining, music playing, and E snoozing. The photo session was great and we had a lot of fun playing, dying eggs, and hanging out with the cousins. E was great and took it all in stride. We didn't leave until after 9 and it is about 1.5 hours away from home. E slept again on the ride home and I enjoyed some me time, listening to my music with the sunroof cracked. It was amazingly peaceful and a trip I would definitely go again.

Today has been a lazy day. Taking naps and hanging at the house. As I am writing this everyone else in my house is napping. The plan for the day is to not have a plan and just enjoy my time at home. Hope everyone is having a great weekend!

I am posting a picture from our session yesterday!

Easter Weekend

I can't believe it is April already! The weather here in the DC area is gorgeous and we are enjoying every minute. Of course I have fallen "behind" in my attempt to maintain a blog and you know what? WHO CARES! I refuse to make having a blog one more thing I set up for myself to haev to do and feel guilty if I fall short.

I turned 30 back in February and at the time I did not have any major life revelations. I was happy that I had achieved what I had planned to...married, a new baby, a new house, and a great job. But since the end of February things have been stirring with me and I have come to the conclusion...drumroll please....that my life is NOT perfect and IT'S OK!! I really do love my life and am thankful everyday for the people who are in...yes all of them! So here is my blog which like me is not perfect!

First Tastes

Emory's first experience with Rice Cereal!

No Looking back!

I have decided that going back and trying to update every moment since Emory's arrival would be too time consuming! We are going to start from the present and move forward. No looking back! You will have to use your imagination to connect the dots from Sept 8 until now.

Emory is now 4.5 months old. We just had his 4 month doctor's visit on Monday. He is 25.75 inches long and weighs 12lbs, 3oz. He is a but on the small side but his doctor was not concerned. He is just SUPER LONG like Nick! We have gotten the go ahead to keep giving cereal and 1st stage foods. He loves eating from a spoon and I have no doubt that this will help him put on weight.

He is super active and loves playing. He keeps us entertained with all of his new developments. Overall, he is a happy baby and pretty easy going.

Here are some more recent pictures!

Two become Three!

Our son Emory Abram Kiernan was born on September 8, 2009 at 3:58 AM. He weighed 7lbs, 2 oz and was 20.5 inches long.

I went into to labor on Labor Day. We definitely had no idea he was coming! I had a busy weekend attending a wedding, helping with a baby shower, and generally wearing myself out. At 8 pm on Monday night, Nick and I finally sat down for dinner. My meal of choice was a chili cheese onion hot dog and orange soda ( I know). Nick was making nachos. Just as he had his chips perfectly toasted and everything in place...I looked at him and said as calm as could be "My water just broke." Needless to say he never ate those nachos. We took our time leaving the house. I felt fine and was not having any contractions. We arrived at Fair Oaks Hospital around 10:00 pm. After some concerns over the baby's hear rate, my doctor opted for a C-section. Nick accompanied me into the operating room and about 20 mins later Emory was born! The rest as the say is history!

Like most things that have happened with Nick and I, Emory's arrival took us by surprise. Of course we knew he was coming but not that early and not that night! Looking back it was the perfect experience for all of us...we just have to jump in and figure it out!

More Pregnancy Pictures

There are pictures from the last few weeks of my pregnancy. Baby shower, maternity photo session, etc.