Nursing

What a gorgeous day we have today in VA! I still cannot believe it is already May. Where has the time gone? Emory will be 8 months old tomorrow and I will be celebrating my first real Mother's Day this weekend (to a human anyway). E is so active and seems to be growing/changing everyday. And while I love seeing the changes, it does make me a little sad. I completely understand the cliches everyone told me about children growing up so fast.

With all these changes, we are coming to the end of another phase...nursing. My milk supply has gradually decreased since I returned to work but I have still been faithful about pumping several times a day. Whatever milk I do get, gets mixed in with the bottles he takes while I am away. He is drinking formula like a pro and is eating 3 jars of food a day now! He has put on weight and is our little chubster! He has very little interest in settling to nurse during the day anymore which makes me long for the days when he nursed all the time. Now the best time to nurse seems to be morning and night. I never realized how attached I would become to breastfeeding but I really am. I have really enjoyed the closeness we have had and bond we've shared which is why I have struggled so much with giving it up. Even thinking about not nursing makes me anxious. Because I thought pumping was becoming stressful, I thought I would stop pumping and just nurse while at home. I experimented with this on Wednesday and it didn't go well for me. I was sure I would feel this overwhelming since of relief and freedom but I didn't. The day was fine and I was busy but I missed the time away from my desk. I feel like pumping is my "Mommy Time" and not having that left me a little lost. So the pump is back and I am going to gradually "wean" myself rather than trying to quit cold turkey. Funny, right? I have to "wean" myself. My plan is to do it 2X per day this next week and then bring it down to 1X per day for a couple of weeks. Depending on how I feel afterI am planning to fill my new found time with going back to the gym. that, I will stop pumping at work altogether and just nurse morning and night.

When I allow myself to separate from the emotions and think objectively, I know I have a lot to be proud of. The statistics of moms who quit nursing soon after returning to work are so high. And like a close friend told me, it isn't really me it is my body and E telling me it is ending. This is the same amazing body that has taken me on countless runs, suffered through a Half Marathon, carried my precious baby for 9 months, and healed after a C-section. How could it be wrong?!?!