Holidays

As the month of November began, in normal fashion there has been an influx of commericials and media focused on the holidays.  The "self help" articles are all over the place as well.  How to enjoy the holidays, make it less stressful, more simple, etc.  While I appreciate and have read may of those types of articles, this year it seems uneccessary to me.  I am not stressed about the holidays. I have purchased a few items already and have ideas for others. I am not focused on making it perfect, attending so many events, and anything of the sort. I am so much more focused on being with my family and being thankful for what we have.  I want to enjoy the time off with my family at home, that is really the best gift at all. We are already so abudently blessed that is not one gift was under our tree or stockings were empty we would be far better off than most people throughout the world.  So as Thanksgiving approaches, I am going to truly thank God for the blessings and provisions he has given to me not because an article told me to but because it is what is in my heart.

Marriage

 This Sunday our family had family pictures taken. It was the first time we had has pictures professionally taken as a family since having our children. Why did it take so long? Well it is kind of a long story but let's just say it had to to with my insecurities. I didn't see us as a "normal" family, you know the kind that could smile happily in pictures. My endless game of comparisons had crippled me and how I viewed my marriage, our parenting, our home, and sometimes though I hate to admit it...my children. But the last couple of months through deepening my relationship with Christ, I am starting to let that go. I don't need to hide because we aren't perfect because no one is. Perfect is an unattainable goal that I put on myself because I think I need to control things. My desire to control, though I did not make this connection before, was really based on my inability to trust God to do His job.  I had to be ready to "pick up the slack" when He failed. Awful, I know.  My evaluation of God was based on my experiences with people, eventually they disappoint you so God must do that too, right? WRONG! So slowly I have been replacing my thoughts with prayer and promises of future, believing the best rather than prepping for the worst.

 So what does this have to do with my marriage you ask? All of these issues and these expectations of disappointment impacted my relationship with my husband. I expected him to disappoint me so I avoided engaging in many commitments where he would "fail" me. Commitments like...taking family pictures. Rather than saving myself from disappointment, it had to reverse impact. He could feel my bar was set low for him and he stopped trying as hard. I won't say that overnight we have had a dramatic change but slowly in recent weeks we are making our way out of the fog of past disappointments We are communicating more, hugging more often and spending time as a family. My personal spiritual journey is continuing as I have returned to Church and spend time in God's word almost daily.

After taking our pictures this weekend and before going to bed Sunday night, I thanked NK for taking the time to but outfits, corraling kids, and taking family pictures with me. I also explained to him it is amazing what happens when I stop the comparisons and that I him more now than ever.

Who would have thought the person you were actually married to could turn out to be the perfect marriage God intended? :o)