Holidays

As the month of November began, in normal fashion there has been an influx of commericials and media focused on the holidays.  The "self help" articles are all over the place as well.  How to enjoy the holidays, make it less stressful, more simple, etc.  While I appreciate and have read may of those types of articles, this year it seems uneccessary to me.  I am not stressed about the holidays. I have purchased a few items already and have ideas for others. I am not focused on making it perfect, attending so many events, and anything of the sort. I am so much more focused on being with my family and being thankful for what we have.  I want to enjoy the time off with my family at home, that is really the best gift at all. We are already so abudently blessed that is not one gift was under our tree or stockings were empty we would be far better off than most people throughout the world.  So as Thanksgiving approaches, I am going to truly thank God for the blessings and provisions he has given to me not because an article told me to but because it is what is in my heart.

Marriage

 This Sunday our family had family pictures taken. It was the first time we had has pictures professionally taken as a family since having our children. Why did it take so long? Well it is kind of a long story but let's just say it had to to with my insecurities. I didn't see us as a "normal" family, you know the kind that could smile happily in pictures. My endless game of comparisons had crippled me and how I viewed my marriage, our parenting, our home, and sometimes though I hate to admit it...my children. But the last couple of months through deepening my relationship with Christ, I am starting to let that go. I don't need to hide because we aren't perfect because no one is. Perfect is an unattainable goal that I put on myself because I think I need to control things. My desire to control, though I did not make this connection before, was really based on my inability to trust God to do His job.  I had to be ready to "pick up the slack" when He failed. Awful, I know.  My evaluation of God was based on my experiences with people, eventually they disappoint you so God must do that too, right? WRONG! So slowly I have been replacing my thoughts with prayer and promises of future, believing the best rather than prepping for the worst.

 So what does this have to do with my marriage you ask? All of these issues and these expectations of disappointment impacted my relationship with my husband. I expected him to disappoint me so I avoided engaging in many commitments where he would "fail" me. Commitments like...taking family pictures. Rather than saving myself from disappointment, it had to reverse impact. He could feel my bar was set low for him and he stopped trying as hard. I won't say that overnight we have had a dramatic change but slowly in recent weeks we are making our way out of the fog of past disappointments We are communicating more, hugging more often and spending time as a family. My personal spiritual journey is continuing as I have returned to Church and spend time in God's word almost daily.

After taking our pictures this weekend and before going to bed Sunday night, I thanked NK for taking the time to but outfits, corraling kids, and taking family pictures with me. I also explained to him it is amazing what happens when I stop the comparisons and that I him more now than ever.

Who would have thought the person you were actually married to could turn out to be the perfect marriage God intended? :o)

Welcome Autumn

So you know I would pop back up during this time of year, right? The leaves are changing and falling. The nights and mornings are cooler. (Now if the days would just follow suit) Yes, it is Autumn. My favorite time of year. As you have heard on the news, the federal government is shutdown which means I am experiencing an unexpected and unpaid vacation. I have been catching up a few things around here and trying to get some extra rest after experiencing three migraine headaches since Sunday morning. Anyway, today is yoga day. I AM going to yoga this morning and running few errands while the kiddos go to school. I have lots of things to share and can't wait to start writing more frequently.

Here a few things you can expect to see:

-How a produce delivery service is changing my meal planning
-Yoga, it does a mama good
-Being happy where you are planted

I could go on and on! For now I will just say, the kids are great, hubby's job is much more stable than mine (go figure), E is in soccer, NK is taking a night class, the baby girl is a hot mess, and mama is still as imperfect as ever!

The Marathon

I am not really what I would call a "runner" but I do a enjoy a good jog. I have even have run some 5K races in my time and even once did a half marathon.  So I am familiar with the concept that the last few miles at the hardest. I have found the same to be true with nursing. Long before Leia was conceived, I made a goal that with my next child I would nurse until at least 1 year. I also told myself supplementing would not be the end of the world since it would lessen stress and ultimately enable to enjoy nursing more (still working on that one after 1.5 months).  And though it is not easy having to venture down the road of pumping, we are so close. As in 22 days close.  And just like running, I am struggling to stay motivated. Not with the nursing. I am good with that but the PUMPING.  I am over it! Oh sure, we were good friends for a while but I have been hooked to my pump a minimum of four times a day on most work days and to be honest she (the pump) is not all the that interesting anymore. She has nothing new to say just the same old, same old. ;o) So this week I made a choice to cut back on one pump per day and opt instead to hit the gym. So far so good and not really getting less milk yet.  And doing something for me and my body has given a much needed mood boost. I have already been slacking on my nighttime pump because let's be honest, hooking yourself up to machine doesn't really set the mood for sleep.
So has the world ended? Nope. Does L suddenly reject me? Nope. Are we nursing exclusively on days away from work? You bet. So just like running, the end miles are tough but baby, once you see that finish line you pick it up right? No one slows down before the finish like...they take a deep breath and keep trucking. 
That is what this mama is going to do. Don't get me wrong, I am not going back to more pumps. Can't do it. However, I am going to focus of eating well, drinking more water, exercising and taking care of me. I really have no set plan on weaning or really stopping pumping altogether. To be honest I haven't really thought much past the one year mark.

For now, I am staying focused on the finish line.

" I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him." 1 Samuel 1:27

In the middle of every day life, I sometimes forget to thank God for how blessed I am to have these two beautiful children. I can still remember the days in our marriage where it was just two of us and how badly I ached wanting to have children. I would cry each time we heard of a yet another new pregnancy within our group of friends and family, though I would try to hide it from Nick.  Looking back I am sure I did a miserable job.  While I felt ready to have children, my husband needed more time.  Oh, I would pout but then there were other times that I would just pray.  God assured me that it would happen but I needed to patient.  It wasn't about what was the right time for everyone else.

I know now that His timing was perfect, He knows what we need and when...all the time. As I stare into the precious faces of our children, I sometimes have to catch my breath as I am overwhelmed by Gd's gift.

Why today is awesome...

Keeping with the theme of random, here we go. I was woken up at 6am today but a spunky little princess but no worries, I got my coffee by my side. I am in a such a good mood today and here are a few reasons why!

-The commute to my new office did not suck. After all the doom and gloom talk, it has started off just fine. Oh and for those in the DC area, you will understand this when I say I found a SLUG LINE! There is a morning line to my building and an afternoon line as well as a e-mail list. For those of you out of the area, this means I stay on the HOV and can keep the flexibility of driving. (NK carpools so one of us needs to be flexibile. ) I still may occassionally opt to ride versus drive but it is nice to have options!

-E finished a great school year and will be starting summer camp next week. I am also in the process of registering him for Fall soccer. YES! I am finally going to be a soccer mom! I have been dreaming of this since I was pregnant with him.

-L moved to a new Infant class and will be doing all kinds of "big girl" stuff. :o) Oh and in case you lost count, she will be 1 in 6 weeks! So party planning is starting! Trying to decide the theme and guest list. I do plan to keep it smaller than E's  1st birthday blow out because frankly that was just nonsense.

And last but cetainly not least, three weeks until our beach trip. A whole week at the beach!

He and I

I found these lovely words from Pinterest and it really stuck with me.  My husband and I have been through our share of up and downs.  To be honest, at times I play the comparison game or feel like quitting.  It isn't that I don't love him immensely but this marriage stuff is hard! Like, really hard.  Like, harder than anything you will ever do hard but totally worth it.  We are blessed to have some faithful believers, supportive friends and family to keep us encouraged when times are tough.  Those are the same people who are there to celebrate with us in the good times.  We are entering a different phase in our marriage when neither one of us is content to just "get by" anymore.  So we are rolling up our sleeves amongst the choas of working, having two kids. and running a house. Because when it is all said and done, it will be just he and I...

Randomness

So like always, life just keeps chugging along. I love coming back to this blog as a place to share all the things going on in our little world. Today is a random bunch of thoughts and happenings

-Leia is 10.5 months old, that's right double digits! Still nursing which makes me overjoyed because I put a lot of effort into giving that girl boob milk!
-She is pulling and cruising, occasionally letting go to move to something else but definitely not the same confident cruiser Emory was at this age.
-Leia popped two bottom teeth two weeks apart and who made the discovery? The one who nurses her...NOPE! Her Daddy. ;o)
-She eats EVERYTHING, no really. I have stopped sending solids to school in favor of her eating their menu almost exclusively.
-We do not sleep 12 hours but a good 6 to 7. I am cool with that. She gets up, nurses and heads back to bed. 10 minutes tops. And I love the snuggle time, even if I am zombie. ;o)
-I am thinking I will start planning her birthday party soon but thinking of opting for a smaller party than E's 1st.

-Emory was the victim of a home haircut, yes I made Daddy but his hair. The result is cute but let's just say, we will be letting it grow and returning to the barber shop.
-My boy still  makes me worry like no one else but I am learning to chill out and learn what being a boy mom is all about.
-In a conversation with a good friend, we discussed love languages and I think E's is time which is different than the mama and the daddy. This has been a true light bulb moment for me and has allowed me to find better ways to parent him.
-Emory has done so great is his Montessori program this year, he is registered for Junior Kindergarten this Fall...WHAT?!?!

-Handsome (aka NK) is doing super great at work and loves his job. I am SUPER DUPER proud of him.
-After 14 years of marriage, we are starting to communicate better than ever. We are working hard of meeting each other's needs and it is paying off.

OK, so now for me and the real randomness.

-I have decided at some point in the future, I want to be a La Leche leader. I am so passionate about breastfeeding and just want to encourage other mamas.
-My office is moving from VA to DC, everyone is all up in arms. I am trying to be positive and actually looking forward to being on a actual Navy base again.
-Oh the dreaded furlough...it's WAS all over the news but the popularity has died down a bit. I am being forced to take one day without pay each week for 11 weeks. Losing the money is not awesome but an extra day at home with the littles...awesome.
-Along with the furlough pay cut comes super saving and selling. I have been selling unwanted items on craiglist and swaps. Grand total so far $176! That is all just crap sitting around my house. I have donated some items too.
-I love coffee...still. Yes, I am addicted but in moderation. Just this week I have returned to using half and half with sugar. It is simple and delicious. However, I am going to make my own flavored creamer next.
-Quiet time. I have committed myself to having quiet time each morning and boy it helps. Weekends are a little out of whack but the weekdays are set. The length of time varies but I am working on a new morning routine. It benefits everyone in the house because I am more calm and nicer.
-In preparation for my move, I have forced myself to start getting up earlier and prepping every night. WOWZERS! It is such common sense but you have better morning when you aren't stumbling trying to get things done or rushing sleeping kids. It is really only about 15 -20 minutes earlier anyway.
-I am back to using cloth diapers just about exclusively except for daycare. I have downsized my stash and working to find what works best for night.

Oh and the best thing...our vacation to the beach is in 28 days! YES!

That is all from the land of Kiernans. Much love to everyone.

How I got Sleep Trained :o)

Leia started off her newborn life as a great sleeper. The first night in the hospital, my amazing night nurse helped me work a solution that allowed us to get hours of perfect sleep. She swaddled her and put her in the crook of my arm and there we slept for hours. We repeated this same process until we were discharged. We repeated a similar process at home until her two week visit when her pediatrician expressed concern about her weight gain. I had to start waking her up every three hours for feedings. Yes, wake a sleep baby! Who does that? So slowly our nighttime sleep eroded and we had nighttime feedings.

After returning to work, I felt blessed that she only would get once or twice during the night which was fine. I am not exactly sure how long that last before a third feeding crept in occasionally right and then sometimes another...  So the months crept on and my fear of messing with my milk supply led me to continue to get up and nurse at each whimper until this week. I started to realize I beat!  And being exhausted was no better for my milk supply. After a few pep talks from a friend (also a co-co-worker) and a gal who rode home with me that  Tuesday evening, I knew it was time. I didn't need to set a date or read a book, just do it! 

We went through our normal bedtime routine, (thankfully she goes to sleep fine on her own), until about 10:15 when she woke up. I went in, gave her her pacifier, covered her up, patted her bum and walked out to a fussing baby.  I laid in bed for a minute and Daddy offered to rock her.  I sleepily agreed and he went into her room. A few seconds later, he come back saying tonight was the night to let her fuss a little and we closed our door.  I have no idea how long she cried, we feel asleep! The next thing I knew it was 2:27am and I woke up a little disoriented. I crept out of my room, peeked to make sure she was still in her crib (crazy, huh?), went down to pump, and then checked on her. She was spread out like a starfish, paci in her mouth, and sleeping like a rock.  I covered her up and she returned to sleep until 4am.  And guess what? The next next nights she didn't even bother! So all my worry and fretting was for nothing, this girl is amazing. She told me, "Hey mama, I got this..stop bugging me while I am trying to get back to sleep. " And now we are both happier, though I am still getting up to pump in the middle of the night for the time being which is fine with me. Once is way better than 3-4 times per night.

Sleep training for babies...for me it was her teaching me!

Could that be Spring?

I am checking back in after a few crazy weeks of life.  It is a gorgeous day here in VA and it looks like the upcoming week is going to be awesome! There is just something about nice weather that makes everything seem better. So here is what has been going on the past few weeks.

-We have visited urgent care 3 times, 2 times per kid. One group visit . E had an ear infection and then most recently was diagnosed with bacterial pneumonia. Two doses of IV antibiotics and he is back to his superhero self.  L has managed to limit herself to a cold for now and we think she is teething.

-Leia is officially crawling, pulling up, and generally moving at a rapid pace. She is making the switch from purees to more solids foods with great voracity. She is still nursing like a champ and wants to eat anything she can get her hands on. Watching her "chew" with no teeth is really cute. She is not sleeping well at night which stinks but Mama is going to work on that soon enough.

-Emory is doing great in spite of his sicknesses. He is excelling in school. He has mastered lots of Spanish words such as body parts, colors, and numbers. He is eating regular dinners with us on a frequent basis. He is taking swim classes and swimming like a fish.

-We made two big purchases at the end of  last month...a HARLEY and a playset for the littles. Yes, a Harley. I think I might be more excited than Daddy. It is a 2008 Nightrod. And the best part is we paid CASH. No debt makes it even more awesome. The playset was also paid for in cash.  We are trying to decide where to put in the yard and what work will need to be done to get  the spot ready. Grandad and Uncle Mike are standing by to help put it together.

-Spend free month went well though I did cave a few times however, I ate out WAY less and made only two trips to Target (one big trip and one for Easter). We stayed pretty close to our grocery budget as well. And another HUGE thing...we paid off two, yes two, credit cards! I am so excited to have that debt gone. We just have one more to go!

-I did not finish any organizing or cleaning projects but oh well! My kids are happy and fed. The cleaning will wait to my furlough days which start in late May, early June.

So life around these parts has been busy.  In fact, I am going to scoot now so I can get these buggers dressed and get OUTSIDE!

Happy Spring!

Spend Free Month

At the beginning of March, I decided to enact a "spend free month" in order to cut down on my expenses and to prep for my pending furlough ( I will address this in a differnt post). I have done pretty well so far but I did "slip up" this week. It started with a work farewell event which was totally acceptable under tmy terms but it lead to...Wendy's on Thursday, a big salad on Friday, and a few new pairs of underwear at Target yesterday. While none of these things are outrageous, it showed me a what a slippery slope it can be to start to let go.  This "letting go" carried over at home when I avoided hitting Traer Joe's this week and let my meal planning slip. We ate out a total of three times since Monday compiled with my "slip ups" and NK's daily eating budget...I don't want to think about how much we wasted this week!  So what happens next? I am salivating to buy some organizational items, order a few things from Etsy, and to spend time with my best friend...AMAZON! However, I am going back to spend free. I had allocated $50 to spend on random things for myself in general so I am going to stick with that number and spend nothing else unless I find a way to earn money. Even if it means I have to wait to have Pho...man this is tough! So here is the plan for the week:

1) Make a meal plan
2) Go to Trader Joes and the grocery store
3) Pack lunch and snacks the night before
4) Use the Crock Pot at least once
5) Pick one room and organize/clean it top to bottom.

Please Iet me not forget

You know how sometimes the most special memory can slowly fade away after time? I don't want that to happen to me so I am am writing it down so I can remember it always. Today is a "snow day" for us. Snow days are always special for us but even more now that we don't have as much time all together as a family.  Please let me not forget...

-Nick calling me yesterday afternoon to see what I was planning for dinner since it was supposed to snow.
-Him prepping for the coming storm by gathering wood right as he came home from work.
-The "snow dance" Em made up and had Daddy join. It was a slow swinging hip dance while singing "Snnoooww"
-Hanging with Nick while we waited for the storm to start, hearing the excitement in his voice when it started.
-Sleeping by the blazing fire.
-Snuggling in bed just the two of us as the snow continued to fall.
-The excitement as Nick realized there was enough snow to warrant a "snow day"
-Snuggling with baby Leia as we waited for Emory to wake up, unable to go back to sleep ourselves
-Hearing E's entire mood change from crabby wake up boy to excited lovable boy once he saw the tons of snow
-Calling Grammy to wake her  up and talk about the snow.
-Breakfast together, the four of us

Snow days are an awesome opportunity to slow down and enjoy your family if you are blessed enough to be able to stay home. It's like God giving you a chance to not "have to" do anything.

Thank you for the day...

A positive week

I am really proud of the progress I have made in just a week on my goal of homemaking!  I finished up our grocery shopping on Sunday and made a meal plan for 10 days.  I also kept the house a little more clean, did a little organizing and putting things away.  I made baby food for L and even brewed up some homemade fabric softener! We used mostly cloth diapers on evenings and weekends.  I even tried a new recipe that NK loved.

In addition to working on the things in our home, I have started getting up earlier and with a better attitude. Baby girl tends to wake up close to her normal school day schedule on my days off and I have committed to getting up and enjoying our time time together. Usually, I am able to nurse her (if we haven't already) and let her play while I get in my morning cup of coffee.  I read my morning scripture, complete my devotional, and also scour my favorite blogs for inspiration on topics that interest me.  A little while later, E gets up and eases into the day.  He eats breakfast and chooses how he would like to spend the morning. My husband, a chronic night owl, is the usually last to get up. Rather than being resentful, I have chosen to accept this and work with him on a plan that suits us. For example, on Saturday I was early and hosted a play date for this kids.  He slept in late but did the dreaded trip to Costco.  He stays up late and listens for L.  When she wakes up, he attempts to soothe her first before bringing her to me for her feeding.   Win for all! After 14 years, I am finding it is much easier to accept my husband and to stop trying to change him in favor of working towards a rhythm of mutual happiness.  I am discovering my sense of peace is contagious in our home. Everyone is benefiting and I feel so much better.

So as the weekend ends and I start a new week, I plan to continue my progress and build on it.  My short term goals for the week are to get out of the house on time (no later than 6:20 AM), exercise 4 times (2x at work, 2x at home), pick out cloths for the week (E, L, and myself) and to file all those papers staring at me from my filing cabinet!

Perspective Changes Everything

The balancing act between home and work can be extremely challenging for mother and I am no exception.  The past few months since I returned to work have been all about allowing our family and myself to get adjusted.  Now that the children have settled into their routine and the parents are into their groove, I want to begin focusing on our home.  So this has emerged as another one of my goals for 2013.  My goal is certainly not to start remodeling or spending lots of money decorating but something much more basic.  I would like to develop a little better routine for cleaning, start meal planning/cooking more often, and making my home even more comfortable to the people who live here. Chaos and clutter make me anxious which then leads to a less than positive attitude towards my family.  Luckily, my husband is more than happy to chip in and help. I have a good idea of the things that he has adapted as his chores so I just need to plan the rest accordingly.  And to be completely honest, I am excited!  I have always felt a calling to keep a nice home from almost the first day we were married.  Our first home was a small trailer in North Carolina. It wasn't much to look at it but I did my best to keep it clean and looking nice each day. It brought me joy to have my bed made, floors vacuumed, and a meal ready to make (even if it was just hot dogs, baked beans, and Kool Aid).  I have tried to carry that on into each place we have lived throughout our marriage but it has been more challenging here because we moved in right before having Emory. Our primary concern was getting the house to be livable before his arrival so there was little time for well thought out organizing.  So now two babies later, I am getting to it!  As I go down this path of "homemaking" I am starting to see things a little differently. The mountain of laundry isn't quite to awful, the idea of scrubbing the bathroom doesn't make me want to run...you get the idea. As I was washing dishes last night a few thoughts came into my mind.

Washing bottles (and all their parts) isn't so bad. Think about the woman who isn't able to have children.

Cleaning the house is really a blessing. Think about the family who is homeless.

Planning meals, cooking and grocery shopping shouldn't be a dreaded task.  Think about the person who can't afford food.

So for me it is all about a little perspective.

Half a Year!

 

This past weekend our sweet "Baby Lei" turned six months. I remember when Emory hit six months and I was shocked at how quickly time had passed by. This time around it is different. Sure, I say " time flies" but with her I don't feel like time is passing by at warp speed and that I am "missing" out. This seems completely contrary to what I thought life would be with two working parents and children in day care. With my amazing work schedule, and the recent random government closings/delays, I really feel like I have a lot of time with both of my kids but especially Leia. And she is a pretty awesome baby.

Despite my slight mental break down ;o), she is still nursing like a champ! She is up about twice per night and most nights I really enjoy that time together, no E, no Daddy, just mama and baby together. She is rolls over, she scoots backward (stop that), and has incredible hand-eye coordination. She lights up when she sees me and gives me big smiles however we both know I am not really here favorite. She loves her Daddy, like loves, loves her Daddy. If he enters the room, she is all grins. If she hears his voice but can't see him she starts tracking until she finds him. When he is holding her she nuzzles her face on his chest. Yes, my friends I have the makings of a Daddy's Girl and I am cool with that. She also loves her big brother. She is fascinated by him and thinks his is so funny. And oh my, how I love the clothes the tiny, adorable girl clothes. Leia is my little doll baby. One days she is in a smocked dress, the next in leopard print. And normally no matter what she has on, she is wearing a headband.

Six Months Stats

Weight 13 lbs, 9 oz
Height 24 inches
Food- Still using breastmilk as her primary source of food but she has started solids, so far so good. She hasn't tried a food yet that she doesn't like.

 

 

 

Just being 3

It is amazing when I look back to when this blog started and Emory was so little and now he is 3! The toddler and preschool years have certainly brought their challenges but we are making our way to a really great place. In the past few months since is birthday, he personality has blossomed. While their are certainly times that he drives me a little bonkers, if I stop, take a breath, and allow myself to be in the moment he still totally rocks my world! Here are just a few of my favorite things about my son that make my heart skip a beat.

-He still sleeps with Lula every night. He has also added a small cloth bear that he received when visiting Leia for the first time at the hospital.
-He listens to the same lullaby CD every night that he listened to as a baby.
-We listen to Wee Sing CDs in the car and he sings along happily kicking his feet.
-He runs to hug me saying, "Mommy, Mommy!" each day when I pick him from school.
-He makes his sister laugh, kisses her at night, and goes to her if she is crying. He tells her "It's OK Leia, Emory is here."
-He finds fun in everything. His imagination is amazing.
-He says " I lub you."
-He dances without reservation.
-He pretends to be a rock star with sunglasses and his play guitar.
-He loves the story of Baby Jesus.
-He remind me to be careful, drive slowly, and lock the doors.
-He eats a tiny piece of chocolate in several bites, savoring it rather than shoveling it in.
-He loves his Daddy and tries to be just like him.
-He is always ready to do chores, cook or clean.
-He says, " I had a nice nap" when he wakes up from a long slumber.
-His hair sticks up in the back. :o)

It is crazy that even as I write this, I am tearing up a little? This list could go on and on but this is just what comes to my mind this morning. I know that he will not be little for long and that these days are flying rapidly by. I pray that each morning I will remember this and live in the moment with both of my children. And not just my children but my husband as well, because tomorrow is not promised. So I am going to continue to remind myself that a perfectly cleaned and organized home is not important and that one day I will have time for all of that but my children will be gone.

It's a family day.

Each day when Emory wakes up, he normally asks me..."is it a nice day?" This is code for is it OK for me to get up yet?  The next question or statement has to do with school.  And on the days when we say "No Buddy, it's not a school day." You can tell he does a silent cheer because that means it is a family day.  Nick and I use this term to reassure Emory the day will not be filled with busyness but time spent together as a family.  This is especially important now that we are a two parent working family.  I admit this without apology that we are indeed homebodies.  We really truly love being home and have been this way for some time.  Part of this is caused by the fact that we live in a metropolitan suburb and weekends mean the crazies are out.  ;o)  Our family days usually consist of extended pajama time, lots of play, and just hanging around the house.  I do my best to run the majority of our errands on my telework day or on my Friday. Of course there are still times when we must venture out to run errands but my hubby has made it a point to do this together as a family so it is indeed still a "family day."  We also nap together, we cook together, and we spend time with our kids.  This  time is important because it gives us time to get our house and bodies in order before we start another busy week.  And of course there are times when we attend special events or play dates!  I know that the concept of staying home with two kids on the weekend would drive some people crazy and I get it but for us, staying close to home is just what we all need to reconnect after a week filled with schedules and commuting.

Why didn't I think of that?!?

It is funny how we become so overwhelmed with our own lives and problems that we fail to see the most obvious answers right in front of us.  After another week of pumping with less that satisfying results, I was talking to my good friend C.   I was so frustrated I just broke down into tears.  She calmed me down (like always) and started offering solutions.  Some I shot down because I ama brat that way. ;o)  But then I spun into a tagent about why the low milk supply made it so hard for me to take Lia to school on my telework days or times when I legitimately needed to without feeling overcome with guilt and pressure.  She offered a solutin.  Since my house is so close to their day care, why don't I go over and nurse her during the day.  I wanted to dispute it.  I wanted to tell her that I couldn't but then it hit me...DUH! Why hadn't I thought of that? I could certainly go over on my lunch break and nurse my daughter, right?   That day at pick up, I poked my head into the Director's office to ensure it wouldn't be a problem.  Of course, it was not problem with them!   I am allowed access to my children or their classrooms any time I want.  Wednesday rolled around and I informed the teacher that I would try to come back over during my break.  And as my luck would have it the break in my work day aligned perfectly with Leia's next feeding.  I jumped in the car and 5 minutes later I was at her school.  She was tickled to see me, they let me use the glider and I chatted with the infant teachers while feeding my baby girl.  BEST IDEA EVER! I was more relaxed the whole day knowing I was going to be able to feed her and not stress about pumping. I am blessed to have good friends who give good advice and great day care teachers who go the extra mile!

Mamas don't have time to be sick!

For the past week or so I have had an annoying cough with some congestion but otherwise I felt fine. That is until yesterday. I was one of "those" people at work who was hacking all day . It seemed to help if I didn't talk but if you know me that is nearly impossible! ;o)   And it got progessiveky worse thoughout the day. By the end of the day I was ready to surrender that I indeed had something. So on the way home I picked up my standard cold care treatment items, OJ, chicken noodle soup, and crackers. (I keep vitamins, fruit, Emergen C, etc on hand always.)

No less than 5 minutes after I walked into the door hacking, Nick kindly stated " So you are going to the doctor tomorrow right?" I replied, "Oh yeah." Uh let's be honest, the thought hadn't crossed my mind! In fact I had talked to my insurance company twice that day to inquire about a benefit and to schedule a weigth check for L but it never really occured to me to make an appointment for myself. We all know mamas don't have time to be sick!

So I am headed to the doctor this morning at 10am to see if there is anything that can be done for this hacking, headachy mama. In the meantime, I am drinking lots ot fluids both hot and cold.

Hoping you all have a happy and healthy weekend! GO REDSKINS!

Mama Struggle #1

I am sure I am not the only mama out there who would say that the journey of motherhood is hard, really hard.  There are days when I put so much pressure on myself to do or be something that I rob myself of the joy in that moment.  I am working on it.  I wanted to take some time to write about my personal struggles as a way to heal. It will be my "Mama Struggles" series. ;o)

One of my struggles as of late is my ability to produce enough breastmilk for Leia.  It seems silly when I put in into words because I really have very little control over how much milk I produce.  I had this struggle with Emory and was determined not to let it be a factor this time around.  I stressed and worried so much that by the time he was about 8 months old, I was mostly supplementing and my supply had all but dried up.  So I told myself that this time I would not do that to myself and that if I had to supplement, it would be ok and that in the long run she would be getting my milk for longer.   However, the first few days when I returned to work I started doing it again.  I fell into the self defeating, negative talk.  "Oh no why wasn't there more milk coming out?"  "What if I didn't make enough for her bottles?"  So I have read more, sought help and ultimately stressed more.  And guess what it has nearly 3 months later and my supply is about the same. Leia is perfectly healthy but sure could be gaining weight more quickly.  The peditrician has expressed no concerns.

Luckily, I have an amazing support system of friends, co-workers, family and my beloved husband.  I am trying various methods to increase my milk supply along with stressing less but what if in the end I am just a low milk producer?  What if I have to supplement to ensure my baby gets the nutrition she needs?  Does that mean I am a bad mom? The logical part of me knows that the answer is no but the emotional part of me gets in the way.  So my goal is from this day forward is to make a conscious decision about what methods I am willing to pursue that will not take from my nursing experience. And to remind myself that I am REALLY doing the best I can.

I will end on this. About a month ago after an evening pumping session, I was confiding in my husband, Nick, about how frustrating it was that while I had to work so hard some women seemed to be making gallons of milk.  I will attempt to paraphrase his response.  "You have always had to work hard at things, school, work,...but in that just makes you successes all the more impressive." Yes, after all my craziness he gets me.