Things that bring my joy

Do you ever go through you day and feel like you did a bunch of stuff for everyone else but yourself? Do you think, oh I will get around to doing a girl's night or a mom's day out? I can be the same way. It left me feeling empty and frustrated. And even when I did take the time to do something special, I didn't usually walk away with the magical refresh I had hoped for because there had been such drought in between.

 Now, I fully recognize this was a choice I was making. It made me cranky and overwhelmed so I decided to start making some changes to help put in some joy for me each day. I haven't quite mastered it yet but I am learning. Here are few examples:

1) Candles- I love them so each morning when I come downstairs, I light one. It reminds me to say a prayer of peace and make me happy. I do the same when I get home.

2) Music- I am listening to music I enjoy...everywhere! At home, in my office, on my commute. My choices change daily but thanks to Amazon Prime, I have lots of preset playlists to choose from.

3) Exercise- I leave my desk most days for some kind of exercise. I got to the gym or take a walk outside. Something to help care for me physically and

4) Coffee/Tea- I treat myself to a cup of tea or coffee in the afternoon. It helps me relax and gives me a boost for my commute.

Adding in a few easy things has made a big difference for me. Don't wait to enjoy life until a special occasion, may everyday special!

Laundry

Like many busy families, the task of keeping up with laundry can be a challenge. I have started doing a few thing that have made it easier to keep up and have changed my mindset so I thought I'd share.

1) I try to do one load per day several days a week. Sort at night, wash in the morning. If I time it right, I can get it into the dryer by the time we leave the house for the day. I either fold  at night or the next morning.

2) I sort all the clean clothes in to individual baskets by person. This makes the putting away so much easier! I am no longer running room to room.

3) I am constantly downsizing clothes. The kids have too much, we all have too much!  I am not where I want to be yet, but I am working on it. Less clothes means, less pile up.

4) Having a washer, dryer, and clothes is a blessing. We sometimes overlook the simple things. I remind myself that this chore is a sign of how blessed I am to have family, clothes to wear, and live in a home with all these conveniences.

Change is hard

Change is hard for me. It has been almost a year since I left my job and started a new job with a completely new federal agency. It has been tough in ways I did not expect. I assumed I'd have to adjust to new people and a new culture, but I never expected to lose my reputation or to miss my people so much. I was with my old agency for 12.5 years, I started right out college and while I moved around a few times there was usually a familiar face on the other side. Someone who knew me, who knew my work, etc.  My new job has a familiar face or two but now in my direct chain of command. The learning curve have been super steep and the stress level can be high.  I have doubted myself more times than I can count.  I have tried hard to make a good impression, making concessions that sometimes made me feel sad inside. I have been more tired, more snippy, more anxious. It is like I have spent the better part of a year in a vacuum. It has been tough. 

And oh my gosh, how I have missed my people. The people I had been sharing life with for years and working towards a common goal. Those I could turn to for work or personal problems and left there desk feeling better.

The flip side of this has been an immense amount of personal and professional growth. Each day, I am proving to myself how tough I can be in the face of adversity and how I can adapt when I am constantly being stretched beyond my comfort zone. And I am making new friendships, slowly learning to trust people and allowing my personality to come out. I also know I am pretty darn good at my new job, I have learned so much in a short amount of time. 

So I am not ready to give up...yet. I realize I have some personal adjustments I need to make to help me better deal with the new environment. I am working through those now and hoping to put some better habits firmly in place. For me this is a great time of year to do this, the pace is slowing somewhat at work just in time with the holiday season where I intend to focus on gratitude and celebrating joy everyday. 

I am smart enough, I am good enough, and I can do this!

Rainy Saturday

Yesterday, my husband took a plane to the deep south (Louisiana) to attend a friend's wedding so the kids and I are on our own.  Does anyone else feel like you have no idea of how much your partner actually does until they are gone for a few day? Yeah, I am there. Anyway the kids and I got past the first day of weirdness and moving onto Saturday but it is raining.  o cancelled are my water park plans and I am working on a plan B.  Although, the idea of staying in my pjs with the kids all day sounds amazing the reality would make for a really long day. So Plan B is to head to the Public Library and then take a trip to one of the Trader Joe's in our area.  That at least fills up part of the day until nap time for L.  Then who knows?

Totally random and unrelated but did anyone else know the Dollar Tree now carries soy based candles? Woo hoo!

HAPPY SATURDAY!

I am still eating

Blogs are like a good friend, they understand you life gets out of control and when you ready they are waiting for you. No judgement, no explanation needed. My "What's for dinner" page was started to talk about how cooking at home can be awesome and to share some of family favorite recipes.  I think now as we try to reign in our household spending, I may incorporate my meal planning.  I normally only plan dinner because we are either out of house for the other meal, eating different meals, or occasionally eating out.

Thursday, June 18 (NPK class night): Scrambled Eggs with Cheese, Toast, Banasa

Friday, June 19 (Mama worked late): Crock Pot BBQ County Style Pork Ribs, Basmati Rice, and Green Beans

Saturday, June 20: Stuffed Peppers

Sunday, June 21: Father's Day Plan to be Determined

Monday, June 22: Crock Pot Whole Roasted Chicken

Tuesday, June 23: Leftovers

Wednesday, June 24: Chicken Pot Pie (using leftover chicken)

Thursday, June 25: Tacos or Chili

I have assigned days to these but normally things are flexible. 

Birthday Parties

As my close friends (ERJ and AJL) can attest to, every year at birthday party planning time (or before )I try to think of ways to get out of having a birthday party for my kids. Sounds horrible, huh? Well actually if you are mom, you probably get it but just in case let me peel this back a little. We have a big family, like 7 sisters between us big family. And we live fairly close to them. So hosting a party becomes a bit of a family reunion. Now take that and add the friends we know that have kids plus our kids' actual friends and you have a BIG party. That is a lot of planning, buying, and socializing for this gal who much prefers smaller groups. 

Did I also mention that my kids have birthdays about 6 weeks apart so this scene is repeated twice? I just can't. So my stance this year was experience over party...no exceptions. That is all fine and dandy until your kids start planning their parties months in advance and talk about it non stop. I could have gotten by with just E because he thinks everyday should be a family and friend party but then it happened...my sweet baby girl started talking about a birthday party. GAME OVER.  Can I just add that my hubby totally called my bluff months ago? What can I say? I am soft.

Yesterday I hung my head down in shame (via text), told my hubby he was right, and asked for his ideas. So like he does for most things, he went to his phone and said "OK Google, 3 year old birthday parties." Uh, why didn't I think of that? And what he was found was perfect! A well laid out party for a small group of preschoolers with a theme and  easy games that doesn't require a meal, paying a insane rental fee, or an all day time commitment. So I am all in and following the plan as laid out. I am keeping the guest list small with L's enjoyment at the forefront. Being the planner that I am, I have ordered her cake already, decorations are on their way from Amazon, and  I still have over a month to go.  But here is here is the best part...I am actually excited! 

The motherhood thing is hard but sometimes maybe just maybe we make it a little harder than it should be...maybe. :o)

Feeling Reflective

Today is the last day of May and up until last week I have really felt like I, really all of us, have been on a treadmill since the beginning of the year.  Life is going and we are doing.  June brings about some ending to things we have all been working towards.

Emory finishes Kindergarten this week.  I cannot believe his school year is over and I am so proud of all of the hard work he has done this year. He is grown up in all areas and has learned so much. He will be moving onto public school for first grade and I am excited to see what new things are ahead for him. Oh and soccer season ends this week as well!

Nick is wrapping up another intense, combined year of his apprenticeship program. What should have taken 4 years have been combined into 2 with the same amount of  content.  This year started out rocky but he really picked up momentum and finished out the year strong. Now he is well over the hump and has one more year with a primary focus on law, his stronger area, and then he will be ready to start prepping to take to licensing exams.

Leia has also had an amazing few months.  She moved to her new school (with Emory) in November about 2 months ahead of schedule.  She has loved every minute and has exceeded our expectations.  She loves school, her friends, and is learning so much.

As for me, this old gal feels like I have been in wind tunnel since I left my job to a totally new Department. I have learned so much, been stretched beyond my comfort zone, and have been humbled more times than I can count.  Somewhere in the midst of all of that I turned 35 and we celebrated our 16 Anniversary.  June is a big month for my program and we are pushing hard to get thing wrapped up to meet a end of June deadline.

With all that being said, we are SO happy for summer and a more relaxed schedule. No more soccer practices or games.  No more Thursday night shuffle when Nick has class. Just regular life which to us is quite full enough! I am trying to plan something fun but low key every weekend so we can really experience summer before the school year is here again. We will be heading to festivals, local water parks, an amusement park, and taking a couple out of state vacations. More than ever I can say that we have earned this season of relaxation.

Post Winter Self and Making a capsule

I am a wanna be minimalist. I still like stuff but I just go through phases where I want less.  Sometimes I attack toys, sometimes household stuff, but normally it is clothes.  In line with this minimalist mindset, I have always thought the idea of a capsule wardrobe would be great for me. I would look at lovely pins and think how cool they were but couldn't imagine how to get this out of my own clothes.  Yesterday, while getting ready for a Easter Egg hunt I was totally pissed off that my fresh out the dryer jeans made me look like a squeezed marshmallow (I might add I just bought these damn jeans and should have got a bigger size).  The adjustment to a few (more like 10ish) Winter pounds is causing me to feel not so great about some of the things in my closet. So after texting with my good friend, A, she offered me a a solution of doing a capsule wardrobe.  Now that is what I am talking about! Not only did she give me a solution but a project to distract my negative mind.  So after looking through some pins, I have decided on two work capsules and am working on one for my weekend attire because yoga pants and gym gear don't make me feel great.  Once I go through my closet, I will list the items I have picked out.

Oh and about that Post Winter Self, well I addressed some of that too.  Last night after putting the kids to bed, I treated myself to some home beauty treatments.  I did a deep conditioning treatment to my hair, plucked my own eyebrows (shocking), and gave myself a pedicure.  As for those extra pound that have collected around my belly and thighs, I have a plan for that too. It is called move your ass and eat less plan. ;o)

Not changing

I had the awesome opportunity to spend a weekend with my friends from college last week.  It came at a time where I was struggling with emotions that were making me feel blocked or stuck even.  The weeks preceding my birthday have marked a season of dealing with grief over the loss of my dad. This year I felt myself experiencing really raw emotions about myself, who I should be and who I wasn't.  I managed to pick myself apart physically for a few weeks. Then I started doubted my self worth and professional abilities.  And of course when you are low, those feeling merge onto those you love most. My mind was spinning negative thoughts, my patience compromised.   Don't get me wrong, I was functioning but there was a numbness.  A deep down feeling of being totally lost.  I continued my devotionals and had some heart felt prayers with God.  I held my tongue when I wanted to spew ugly words at Nick. I kept my eyes on the goal of making it to my girls' weekend. I just knew if I could get to that part, there was resolve coming. Fast forward after spending 2 days with my close friends, those few people who knew me when I wasn't yet a wife, a mom, professional.  Those people who I don't feel the need to put on a image for and with who I can release fully.  They accept me and love me.  They share compliments freely and make me feel good about who I am.  They are connected to my heart and somehow that feeling move the rock that had been sitting on my heart for all those weeks.  You see, they don't want or need me to change.  Let me say that again, I don't need to change!

 On Sunday, I left looking forward to being with my family especially Nick. While there is not magic pill to absolve all those feelings, I am headed towards a path of more self love and acceptance.  I feel like God has blessed me with the tools I need to make a great life and I just need to wipe off the dust to see it.

Have a great weekend!

Learning as we go.

Since my son started pre-K last year, I have struggled with the need to feel accepted or gain approval from others. Once my children started to enter the "world", I felt more judged.  I realize now that all of those feelings were not totally about concern for my son and much more about me.  And that makes me a little sad because I know my own internal drama caused me to react badly and put unnecessary stress on my family.   But I am a work in progress.  I no longer view my children's actions as a negative reflection on me (most of the time).  Just like me, they was created with free will.  We made a choice to focus on the positive.   A few moments of misbehavior during an entire day doesn't equal a bad day. We encourage good behavior and remind them to show their teachers their best.

 If one of our children has an issue during their school day, it is most certainly addressed by talking to them about the issue, explaining why it is was a bad choice, and together discussing a plan for making a better choice next time.   But that is is it.  We don't dwell, no harping.  Quite frankly at this age, they only kind of remember what even happened!  It has made a huge difference in our family life.  Both of our children are excelling in school! Funny how that works, huh?

Yesterday was report card day for both of our children.  Neither of them get real grades at this point.  I had a conference with L's teacher this week and she decoded the grading system for me so I knew what to expect.

For Emory, we simply looked over it for comparison to last quarter and he is doing great (by our standards) in all areas.   That is all that matters to us.   We made sure to tell him how great his report card was.  Honestly, I don't think he has any real idea what any of it really means just that mommy and daddy are praising him.  I want to be sure I use this time to continue to use positive reinforcement and not let my feelings get in the way.

My kids are both happy and learning, how can I possibly ask for anything more?!

Thoughts on 2015 finances and budgeting

Like many other people, one of my goals for 2015 is to regain a better handle of our finances.  Our financial situation has improved this year. NPK worked hard to earn a pay raise and I earned a promotion with a new job!  However, that "extra" money can easily get lost in the shuffle if I don't make a plan.  I have to admit my husband is a little better about taking any extra earning right out of the regular bank account and stockpiling for an unexpected repair or need.  Me..not so much.  I start thinking about all the things I can now but with that extra boost and if I am honest, most of them are not needs at all but luxuries I feel I "deserve." My plan this year is to erase that mindset and look towards to the long term.  We have three larger debts I am planning to attack this year.  I don't feel comfortable giving totals but I will say one is a credit card, one is a a low interest consumer loan left over from our short sale in 2010, and my new Highlander. We are already paying more than minimums and on the right track but I want to see more progress!  In order to do so I am going to be more intentional with how we spend our money and where it goes.  I will be working on revising our budget this weekend now that I have a more realistic idea of my new earnings.  I am also scouring the web for easy ways to save a little more money where we can. No brainers like saving electricity, meal planning, making lists before shopping...all the easy stuff that goes out he window when you wait until you are hungry and tired.

Happy New Year!

Hello 2015!  I had an amazing last day of 2015. I spent the day with my sweetheart doing things we both enjoy.  No fancy parties or anything like that just us riding back country roads and stopping along the way. For me, it was the best NYE ever and so appropriate. Our number one goal remains to strengthen our marriage. My other goals or plans for the year are still working themselves out but I have lots of ideas and am super excited to see what this year brings.

Here is to a new year filled with health, happiness, blessings and fun!

DK