Change is hard

Change is hard for me. It has been almost a year since I left my job and started a new job with a completely new federal agency. It has been tough in ways I did not expect. I assumed I'd have to adjust to new people and a new culture, but I never expected to lose my reputation or to miss my people so much. I was with my old agency for 12.5 years, I started right out college and while I moved around a few times there was usually a familiar face on the other side. Someone who knew me, who knew my work, etc.  My new job has a familiar face or two but now in my direct chain of command. The learning curve have been super steep and the stress level can be high.  I have doubted myself more times than I can count.  I have tried hard to make a good impression, making concessions that sometimes made me feel sad inside. I have been more tired, more snippy, more anxious. It is like I have spent the better part of a year in a vacuum. It has been tough. 

And oh my gosh, how I have missed my people. The people I had been sharing life with for years and working towards a common goal. Those I could turn to for work or personal problems and left there desk feeling better.

The flip side of this has been an immense amount of personal and professional growth. Each day, I am proving to myself how tough I can be in the face of adversity and how I can adapt when I am constantly being stretched beyond my comfort zone. And I am making new friendships, slowly learning to trust people and allowing my personality to come out. I also know I am pretty darn good at my new job, I have learned so much in a short amount of time. 

So I am not ready to give up...yet. I realize I have some personal adjustments I need to make to help me better deal with the new environment. I am working through those now and hoping to put some better habits firmly in place. For me this is a great time of year to do this, the pace is slowing somewhat at work just in time with the holiday season where I intend to focus on gratitude and celebrating joy everyday. 

I am smart enough, I am good enough, and I can do this!