My New Life

This picture pretty much describe my life as it is today. It was taken the morning after E's 1st Birthday Party. He is proudly sporting his new Spider Man pajamas and running down the hall. Gone are the days of guilt free naps, sleeping in, taking long showers, girls weekends, and monthly pedicures. Sure I could still do some of these things but the truth is, I don't want to. If I have learned anything over the past year it is how quickly the moment can pass you by. Our son has grown from an a tiny newborn to a toddler is what seems like an instant. So one day, I will happily return to all of those things that were part of my old lifebut for now I will blissfully live my new one.

Firsts

September 1, 2010...can September already be here? Can it really be the 1st? As I sit here this morning I am struck by the word, first. The word first evokes specific meaning to everyone but to me I think of it as it relates to a special time or event. This leads to me to my real topic of the day, my first born Emory Abram. I will try to make it through this post without too many tears!

To my sweet baby boy,

Could it be possible that we are approaching your first birthday already? Where has the time gone? I am amazed that although it has gone by fast, it feels like we have a lived a lifetime in this past year. We have experienced so many firsts together as a family. You first day of life, your first night home, first bath, first smile, first Halloween, Christmas, Easter, 4th of July, first time rolling over, sitting up, first foods, first tooth, first road trip, first bottle, first play date, first time crawling, first steps, and the list goes one. This first year has been filled with milestones that I feel so blessed to be able to share with you. It is odd because no one event seems more special than the other, after all there were your first. You have become such an amazing little person in only a year.

I am not sure what the future hold or whether we will add more children to our family but always know you hold a special place in my heart because you are my first. You were the first to grow in my belly, the first I held in my arms. I will never forget the day I found out I was pregnant with you or how I felt seeing you on the sonogram with your Daddy by my side. I had no idea what the expect in the coming months and every week was filled with excitement to see what happened next. I enjoyed being pregnant and the time we shared together. When you were born, I was filled joy, excitement, maybe a little fear, but mostly love. A love that only a mother can feel and describe. As our first hours turned into days, weeks, months, and now almost a year my love for you has only grown. It is odd that although you have only been here a year, I feel like I have known you all of my life. So my sweet boy as I approach your first birthday, I want you to know that I am anxiously awaiting all of your next firsts and will be here to share each one.

I can't end this without giving acknowledgement to the one I loved first. To the one who gave me the most precious gift I have ever known. NK, I love you more than I could have ever imagined. I have shared so many incredible firsts with you, my first real date, my first dozen roses, my first time falling in love, my first puppy, my first home, and all of the other experiences we have shared over our 16 years together.

My first year as a mother has been a wild ride and although every day has not been easy, at the end of the day I have what I have always dreamed of... a family.

Heartache...

Have you ever loved someone so much it made your heart ache? I mean, you could physically feel your heart swelling with love? I have been blessed to have this feeling twice in my life. The first is with my love, NK, and the second is with my sweet baby boy.

I just received my latest http://www.babycenter.com/ update and it was for my 11 month old, week 3. Seriously? How did I get here? Wasn't it just a few months ago I was anxiously awaiting his arrival? The months has flown by like an amazing dream filled with every emotion possible. I can't help but wonder what I could have done better or if only I was a little more patient but then my better half, the one who I first loved, reminds me that I have done great. After shedding some tears tonight and grieving a little, I am ready to accept his words. I have done a great job and I am good mom although I may not be perfect. So as I lay down tonight to go to sleep I will cut myself some slack and be as kind to myself as I am to my other mom friends.

However, if you were to ask has it been worth it? Absolutely. Would I do it all over again? In a heart beat.

I love you, Emory Abram Kiernan.

Playgroup

The remodeling is just about complete! We just need to do the last finishing touches and of course decorate! I will post pictures sometime soon.

Amongst the chaos in our home over the weekend, Emory and I escaped to our monthly playgroup. My friend and I had discussed how difficult it was to find playgroups or classes that were offered at times that were convenient for working moms. So we decided to start our own! The concept it pretty simple, one Saturday a month a mama hosts either at her home or somewhere local the kiddos will enjoy. Last month we strolled to a tot lot for the kids to play, gave them free play time, and enjoyed lunch. This month it was water play in baby pools and another yummy lunch. The babies have a great time interacting with each other. Emory loves getting to see not only the other children but the other mamas as well and I think the mamas are forming bonds with the other children as well. A wonderful unintended consequence! For now we have 7 mamas and 8 babies (one set of twins) ranging from 5 to 16 months but I have every expectation that the group will continue to grow!

UPDATE

I am super excited because we are in the middle of doing some updates to our home! We have lived here a little over a year and there are some things that I have really wanted to do but didn't have the time or money to do before E arrived or since. So out of the blue a contractor who is a friend of a friend called us and was able to start the next day. The best part is that between the contractors' work and work we will do on our own, it should be completed before E's 1st Birthday! So my house is in complete choas and I couldn't be happier! Stay tuned for updates.

It's Been Awhile

It is hard to believe it is already August! The cliche "Time Flies" has never been truer for me since Emory's birth. I marvel each day that it doesn't seem like very long ago that I was anxiously awaiting to arrival of my sweet boy. As we inch closer to his 1st birthday, I continue to feel incredibly nostalgic. I am torn between sadness over how quickly he has grown and missing those early days yet I am excited for each new phase. Over the past few weeks he has been building confidence and taking steps and just last night he went for it! His is till in the early stages but he is walking. Agan, this leaves me with mixed emotions. I thought we had a little more time! We have really been enjoying this summer and spending quite a bit of time home as a family. Emory and I also helped found a working mother's playgroup! We had our first playdate last week. All in all life it pretty great. I hope to update this blog more often since I has been working on riding myself of other usless distractions!

Chasing Time

So I have to come to realize that almost all of the parenthood cliches are true! Especially the ones about time going by so fast and children growing up so quickly. The changes in Emory are amazing and yet bittersweet. He just hit 9 months this month and all I can say is "Really, where did the time go?" Emory is such a happy baby. His personality seems to be a mix of both mine and NKs. He has a great sense of humor and just love to play...all day long. We have conquered some amazing feats like mastering a sleep schedule for both day and night. He has learned how to put himself to sleep and self soothe all while training us to be smart enough to learn
his signals. I do still get pretty sentimental and to go back and re-do the early days. I do however love spending each day with him and seeing what else he has learned.

When I was pregnant and even on maternity leave, I had concerns of how I would manage working and being a mom. I thought by working my hours combined with having a long commute I would prevent me from being unable to really enjoy him and feel like I was missing out. I have not found that to be true. My new work schedule is amazing. Working from home every Tuesday is challenging but I would not trade it for anything. I get to see that toothy grin when he wakes up in the morning and be there for naps, playtime, etc. Those are our family days. And between us, I love taking my lunch break at 2pm to watch the Sopranos with NK! I also have off every other Friday. So all in all it has worked out better than I could have expected.