Why is it that women have this innate gene that causes them to compare themselves to one another? Men may certainly do this as well but since I am indeed a woman, I can only speak from that perspective. We start out early by comparing clothes, hair styles, and the obsession over the "perfect" body. I can say from my experiences that this does not get better as we merge into motherhood. In fact, if anything, I think it gets worse. We compare ourselves to other moms we respect and admire with little really insight to their daily lives. We allow ourselves to feel inadequate if we don't measure up to this mama in this way or that way. We seek approval from other mamas we know as if our own instincts are not good enough. I am all for fellowship and sharing in the community of motherhood but at some point you have to trust your gut and just know you are doing the best for YOUR family. This pregnancy is all about learning life lessons and this has been one of my light bulb moments in the past few days.
I am good enough, my instincts and decisions are just right for me and my family. In my 32 years, I have managed to get where I am today by the decisions my parents made for me and later the decision I made for myself. And I have to say, I think I turned out pretty good. This all started to hit me over the past weekend when I attended my 10 year college reunion and spent time with a beautiful group of women, all living completely different lives which suit them perfectly.
However, the real light bulb moment came to me yesterday as I sat in my OB's office. First of all, I have to say I really love her...no I mean really. During my pregnancy with E, I had most of my primary care visits with Jill, a CNM. I loved her too and was devastated when I learned that she was leaving to pursue other career opportunities within my HMO prior to this pregnancy. So fast forward to December when I first met my new OB, she was definitely different that my CNM. She was young, African American, full of energy and super tall nothing at all like my middle aged, motherly midwife. Her enthusiasm for my pregnancy took me back. I thought she might have actually been more excited that I was. Over the past few months, our relationship and my trust in her has grown. Above all else she supports me and the health of my baby. Along the way, we have traded e-mails and phone calls. She is quick to respond to me and my concerns. She is part counselor and part doctor.
So back to my original point....It was during our visit yesterday when discussing my labor and delivery plans, that it clicked. I don't have to measure up to anyone else's standard. I can trust my own instincts and in the end that is really what is best for all of us. I don't need to seek outside approval from my friends, blogs, chat room, or anything else. In that acknowledgement came a great sense of freedom. I am blessed to be surrounded by a close circle of friends, some mamas and some not who have ridden the wave of my emotions and entertained my varying views. In the end, I know they support ME no matter what I decide and that is a good feeling. Sometimes that is the best thing a woman can ask for.
No comments:
Post a Comment