I had the awesome opportunity to spend a weekend with my friends from college last week. It came at a time where I was struggling with emotions that were making me feel blocked or stuck even. The weeks preceding my birthday have marked a season of dealing with grief over the loss of my dad. This year I felt myself experiencing really raw emotions about myself, who I should be and who I wasn't. I managed to pick myself apart physically for a few weeks. Then I started doubted my self worth and professional abilities. And of course when you are low, those feeling merge onto those you love most. My mind was spinning negative thoughts, my patience compromised. Don't get me wrong, I was functioning but there was a numbness. A deep down feeling of being totally lost. I continued my devotionals and had some heart felt prayers with God. I held my tongue when I wanted to spew ugly words at Nick. I kept my eyes on the goal of making it to my girls' weekend. I just knew if I could get to that part, there was resolve coming. Fast forward after spending 2 days with my close friends, those few people who knew me when I wasn't yet a wife, a mom, professional. Those people who I don't feel the need to put on a image for and with who I can release fully. They accept me and love me. They share compliments freely and make me feel good about who I am. They are connected to my heart and somehow that feeling move the rock that had been sitting on my heart for all those weeks. You see, they don't want or need me to change. Let me say that again, I don't need to change!
On Sunday, I left looking forward to being with my family especially Nick. While there is not magic pill to absolve all those feelings, I am headed towards a path of more self love and acceptance. I feel like God has blessed me with the tools I need to make a great life and I just need to wipe off the dust to see it.
Have a great weekend!
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