Marriage

 This Sunday our family had family pictures taken. It was the first time we had has pictures professionally taken as a family since having our children. Why did it take so long? Well it is kind of a long story but let's just say it had to to with my insecurities. I didn't see us as a "normal" family, you know the kind that could smile happily in pictures. My endless game of comparisons had crippled me and how I viewed my marriage, our parenting, our home, and sometimes though I hate to admit it...my children. But the last couple of months through deepening my relationship with Christ, I am starting to let that go. I don't need to hide because we aren't perfect because no one is. Perfect is an unattainable goal that I put on myself because I think I need to control things. My desire to control, though I did not make this connection before, was really based on my inability to trust God to do His job.  I had to be ready to "pick up the slack" when He failed. Awful, I know.  My evaluation of God was based on my experiences with people, eventually they disappoint you so God must do that too, right? WRONG! So slowly I have been replacing my thoughts with prayer and promises of future, believing the best rather than prepping for the worst.

 So what does this have to do with my marriage you ask? All of these issues and these expectations of disappointment impacted my relationship with my husband. I expected him to disappoint me so I avoided engaging in many commitments where he would "fail" me. Commitments like...taking family pictures. Rather than saving myself from disappointment, it had to reverse impact. He could feel my bar was set low for him and he stopped trying as hard. I won't say that overnight we have had a dramatic change but slowly in recent weeks we are making our way out of the fog of past disappointments We are communicating more, hugging more often and spending time as a family. My personal spiritual journey is continuing as I have returned to Church and spend time in God's word almost daily.

After taking our pictures this weekend and before going to bed Sunday night, I thanked NK for taking the time to but outfits, corraling kids, and taking family pictures with me. I also explained to him it is amazing what happens when I stop the comparisons and that I him more now than ever.

Who would have thought the person you were actually married to could turn out to be the perfect marriage God intended? :o)