Comfort found in a bowl of oatmeal...

There are many days when my mama guilt seeps in and I allow myself to wallow in mama guilt when I drop my children off at their schools in the morning. But then there are days like today when I see the love their teachers have for them and take such good care of them. I see how well they adjust to the routine and enjoy being there. 

This morning I watched my little princess go into her class in time for breakfast.  She sat down and waited patiently for the teachers to serve her a tiny cup of oatmeal with fresh sliced pears. She was just too precious.

I headed next to drop off little handsome.  Breakfast was technically over and was time for clean up but the teachers offered him breakfast anyway. The teacher knew his favorite flavor and it totally set his tone for the morning.  She was added in organic raisins as I left. All the while, his lead teacher was telling me what an awesome day he had yesterday.

So today, there is no guilt only peace and affirmation that Nick and I have made amazing choice for our children.

Who knew there could be so much comfort found in a bowl of oatmeal? As a matter of fact, I think I will whip some up for myself now!

Pantry Challenge

I will need to go back and update you all on the rest of our Spring Break, it was awesome.  We are not back in full swing with a new work/school week almost over.  I have been getting by this week by throwing a few things together for dinner.  Last night, Nick and I did break down and share an entree from out local Italian restaurant which is much cheaper than out normal dining out options. So it order to combat the overspending in this area, I spent a little time trying to map out a meal plan for us based on our well stocked freezer, fridge, and pantry.  So here ya go!

Breakfast
Scrambled Eggs with Cheese, Toast
Peanut Butter Pancakes (previously made and frozen)
Waffles
Eggs, Grits, and Bacon
Oatmeal with Frozen Berries
French Toast, Bacon
Trader Joes Frozen Blueberry Waffles
*I will need to buy bacon.

Lunches - This category is really for me during the week  or weekends since hubby is on the road and the kids' meals are served through their school.
PBJ, Turkey/Ham, Tuna, or Egg Salad Sandwiches with Chips
Trader Joes Orange Chicken, Basmati Rice, Sauteed Peas
Chicken Nuggets, Tater Tots, Applesauce
Quinoa with Kale (frozen), Sauteed Carrots
Whole Wheat Boxes Mac and Cheese with Apple Slices

Dinner
Crock Pot Country Style Pork Ribs, Sweet Potatoes, Steamed Frozen Broccoli with Cheddar
Lemon Thyme Chicken Thighs, TJs Mushroom Alfredo, Peas
Crock Pot Chicken Tacos with Corn Tortillas, Spring Mix, and Store Bought Salsa
Taco Soup with Corn Bread  *Need Beans for this recipe, green chilies, maybe tomatoes

Snacks
Yogurt with Granola, Frozen Berries
Trail Mix with Nuts, Dried Fruit, and Pretzels
Air Popped Popcorn
Apple Slices with Peanut Butter
Smoothies
Crackers with Peanut Butter or Cheese Slices, Grapes

WOW! This is all the things we actually have in our house already with just a few exceptions. I am totally shocked. Putting this plan together will help me navigate through our stock pile saving time, stress, and money.  I am going to write this on a sheet of paper and post it on our fridge!

There is always an assumption that one day over the weekend we may do dinner out as a family or grill so I have some wiggle room here.

Spring Break Check In

It has been a good week so far! We kicked off our Spring Break by attending a Passover Sedar at our friends' new home.  The kids has a wonderful time and I was so happy to participate in their family tradition.  I learned a little about the rules and traditions of Passover for their family and enjoyed some amazing food! I am not sure exactly what I expected but for a carb loving girl, I found plenty of delicious options and left with a full tummy.

Yesterday was more of a mama day. The kids slept in until they woke up which is a treat in itself.  Emory and I dropped off Leia at her daycare and we enjoyed a breakfast date a Panera.  I didn't realize how long it has been since we had done that until we sat down and I snapped a picture. Emory has his staple that he loves, the Cinnamon Crunch Bagel with LOTS of butter and a chocolate milk.  As for me, I change up my entree a little bit but always have the Hazelnut coffee with raw sugar, half/half, and a sprinkle of cinnamon.  It is delicious! After dropping off Emory, I went back home to do some task on my list.

I took the mid week day off to meet my friend, E, for lunch a Pho restaurant.  We are more than slightly obsessed with it and do not have it often.  It isn't really a place to bring the kids.  There is just something about small kids and a steaming bowl of soup that doesn't mix well! After lunch, we headed to mall for a couple of hours of shopping.  All in all it was a great way to spend my afternoon.

I did early pick up for the kids and we came home to make Resurrection Rolls. You can find the recipe and the special meaning here.  The rolls were delicious!!
http://womenlivingwell.org/2013/03/3-meaningful-easter-activities-for-kids/

The evening was pretty standard with outside playtime, baths, and bed. Today we are heading to Mount Vernon Estate for a play date.  It is beautiful property with plenty of space for kids to explore.  I am looking forward to a low key afternoon and naps when we return.

Getting over yourself

Have you ever had a moment when you knew you were standing in your own way or making something harder than it needed to be?  We use a phrase around here, "Get over yourself. "   That is what I had to do regarding an issue recently.  I will attempt to keep this as short and sweet as possible. About 6 years ago, my husband found my "dream car" for me through an on line search.  It was a gently used Toyota Highlander. Isn't she pretty?!?

Well that was back in 2008 and while for many years the Highlander was sheltered from the daily commute into the city, this changed as of last year when Nick returned to full time work.  I no longer felt comfortable using my various non-driving commuting options for fear of needing to be pickup a sick child from daycare.  Plus those other methods are more time consuming as you have to wait for a ride of adhere to a bus schedule. And let's just say after a year and a half I still can't quite nail down a finite schedule.  For me, I need to have flexibility to adjust to temper tantrums, milk spills, etc. I digress...

The time has come for me to make a permanent switch to our other vehicle, a much newer and still fully loaded Toyota Camry. It is newer, has better fuel efficiency, and all around a better choice for me to drive on a daily basis.  However, I can't possibly drive two cars at once so that would mean my precious Highlander would go to my husband for his daily 14 mile commute to his meeting spot.

Easy decision, right?  Nope, because I DIDN'T WANNA!! My poor husband even tried to work a plan where he would get my old Highlander and we could trade in the PAID OFF Camry on a newer Highlander.  However when we rain the numbers, we weren't willing to take out a loan for the amount needed to finance a the newer Highlander.  Total brat, huh?  So after resisting for all this time, I finally sucked it up and decided to make the change. Of course this decision to change came at 5:40am yesterday morning.  My gracious husband quickly vacuumed out the "boy dirt,"secured the care seats, and had the care running for us to head off to daycare.

It is so hard to put our wants aside for the good of the family. To rank wants vs. needs. However, this is the best financial choice for our family and I know sometime in the not so distance future when my debt is reduced and savings are increased I will be able to get a newer Highlander without any guilt.

Spring Break

I remember when I was in school how much I looked forward to seasonal breaks.  In fact, it was one of the biggest disappointments when graduating and joining the real world.  Spring break, Christmas break, and Summer break no longer had the same meaning that is until I had children.  For the past few years I have really only taken a break in the summer and at Christmas but this year I made a "resolution" to take more time during the traditional breaks during the year to spend with my children.  This is enhanced by the fact that Emory is now attending a school versus a child care center so the breaks are embedded into the calendar. (They do continue to provide care throughout the week). So this week I will be departing a little early on Tuesday afternoon and taking off the rest of the week.   I am excited about spending time with our friend and family as well as accomplishing a few forgotten tasks.  Here is what we have on tap so far!

-Passover Dinner with our friends the Lummers on Tuesday
-Mama day on Wednesday-Lunch with my friend E and shopping!
-Gardening-Cleaning up flower beds, mulching, starting seeds, and maybe planting a few purchases flowers
-Dying Easter Eggs
-E to Flashlight Easter Egg Hunt with Grammy on Thursday evening
-Panera Breakfast
-Barber Shop for E
-L to the mall for new shoes that properly fit
-Park and snack picnics in the afternoon
-Library visit
-Making Easter crafts/food-Resurrection Rolls and cookies
-Easter Service at Church
-Easter dinner with family
-New bikes???

These are just a few of the things I am excited about for the week, we will see how the week pans out.  My main goal is to do some inexpensive but out of the house activities with the kids so they can enjoy "Spring Break."

Spring has arrived!

I am a Fall gal, always have been but let me say after all the snow storms we have had in Virginia this year I am ready for Spring.  And as it always does the switch has flipped and things are blooming.  I am really enjoying the nicer weather and preparing for Easter.  This year my intention is to focus much more on the meaning of Easter, Christ's Resurrection.  This can be a challenging topic to relay to younger children but I am thankful to our church and lots of Christian blogs who offer great resources.  My plan is to keep focus each day on Easter and do something special with my children.  Yesterday was the kick off with our Easter celebration at church.  We had a wonderful time, hunting eggs, jumping on moon bounces, playing on the playground, eating snacks, and making crafts.  All while enjoying a beautiful day outside.  (I may or may not have ended up with sunburn...) Today is Palm Sunday and will head to church in a few hours. I will try to come back and post our daily on goings.  For now, here are some picture of my little ones enjoying the day.

Coping

Have you ever thought you have dealt with a past hurt only to have it come up again?  Yet this time, it feels even worse and more tender.  That is how I felt a couple of week ago when the legal system finally caught up with life.  You see three years ago my stepfather, the man who raised me, was taken by the hand of another person.  The details aren't super important other than to say that a guilty verdict was rendered.  The second part of a trial deals with the sentencing phase which my husband and I decided to attend.  The following statement was my submission to the court.

I would first like to thank the court for providing me the opportunity to express my feelings and thoughts.  On behalf of my family, I would also like to thank all of the people who played a role in solving this case which lead to a conviction.  The trial has provided a chance to move our family one step forward in the healing process.  

My history with Paul Horn dates back to 1986 when my parents were married and he became my stepfather.  Looking back, I must admit I was a tough nut to crack.  Up until that time, I was an only child who spent a great deal of time surrounded by my extended family who reinforced my ideas that I was indeed the center of the universe.  Paul loved children and was ready, willing and able to meet the challenge of parenting me.  He went out of his way to make every special event, especially holidays a big deal.  Despite his nontraditional work schedule, he made time to come to my school and have lunch with me whenever spaghetti was on the menu.  He went to school events like skate parties and let me tell you he was quite agile despite his physical appearance. 

 

As I grew into my teen years, I tried to distinguish my independence in any way possible.  Paul was tough on me and forced me to walk to the line.  I resented him for enforcing rules and establishing boundaries that my soft hearted mother could not. Looking back, I realize every grounding and every act of tough love would lead me to the person I am today.

 

Our family was big with four girls.  You see that is what we are and have always been, “the girls.”  His drive for success was not selfish.  He had a desire to provide for our future.  He wanted there to be a business that would sustain us. 

 

Last week, I heard words like reliability, loyalty and honesty used to describe the defendant in this case.  However, in my opinion there was very little evidence to back up these statements.  Reliability is the man who never missed a birthday phone call in all my years. Reliability is the guy who was there to celebrate every milestone for those his family.   Loyalty is the man who continues to be the sole financial supporter his ex-wife and daughters in spite of any differences they shared.  Loyalty was the man who loved and admired his mother showing her respect and showering her with gifts whenever he could.  Loyalty was being the person an old friend could call upon if they were in need knowing Paul would give his last few dollars, no matter how long it had been.  Honesty was displayed by him telling you what you needed to hear not what you wanted to hear.  I would also add the word generous to my father’s character.  He was the ultimate host who would throw together a cook out in a few hours’ notice.  For many years, he hosted Christmas parties for friend and family ensuring there was a gift for every child present. He just wanted people to feel special and have a good time.  

As I look back on my significant life events, I literally cannot remember a time when my father was not present. Birthdays, high school, college graduation, my wedding.  You name it he was there.  I have two significant memories I would like to share.  

First is my wedding day, you see that was the day I realized this man I had referred to as my stepfather for all those was actually my father.  He ensured my husband and I had a great day, planning last minute details, calling in favors, and of course hosting the reception at our family’s bar and grill.  When it came time to dance with Paul, I had chosen the song “Through the years.”  Some of the lyrics are like this, “Through the years, you never let me down, you turned my life around, the sweetest days I found, I‘ve found with you.”  As I stood on the dance floor with my father that day, I knew he was the one I could count for my whole life.  That is what has been taken from me.  You see, I will never again be able to pick up the phone and ask my dad for advice.  I will never again be able to receive my birthday phone call. I will never be able to spend time with him at a family cookout eating his amazing ribs.  No more hosting my husband, Nick and I in whatever Poker hot spot he was in at the time introducing us to the local celebrities.  

My second more treasured memory was the day our son, Emory Abram, was born.  My dad was there no more than 12 hours after he was born. He was excited to meet his first grandchild.  He drove straight from NJ to be there.  The funny thing is, I don’t remember even calling him.  He just knew to be there because it was important and one of his girls’ needed him.   We have those pictures as well as others from Emory’s birth in a special album for my son to look at when he likes.  We talk about my dad often, we look at the, pictures and we visit the cemetery. Our conversations go like this:

Emory: “That is Grandpal Paul.”

Me: “You are right, that is my daddy.”

Emory: “Where is he is Mommy?” But then is quickly remembers, “Oh that is right, he is in heaven.”

Me: “That’s right.”

Emory: “Mommy, when can I see him? Can’t he come down to see me now that I am big boy?”

Me: “I am sorry baby, it doesn’t work that way. But he loves you and your baby sister. He watches over all of us.”  

Since the time my father died, I have had a daughter.  The reality that he would not be there to meet her hit me hard a few weeks before she was born.  But for me, I am the lucky one.  I am the oldest child. I was able to experience so many of my milestones with our dad. What about my three younger sisters? Who walks them down the isle? Who is there when to hold there first child?  This was all taken from them through not fault of their own and at the hand of another person.

In court hearings, there is so much focus on the character of the person on trial.  I understand that but I felt it was important for you to know the person my father was.

 

Please in no way feel sorry for me, I am not a victim.  I have a beautiful life with an amazing family.  However, it is ridiculous for me to continue to pretend that this loss was not life changing.  I am different, more guarded, less social, and somehow afraid.  I have been afraid to lose what I have, afraid to deal with the emotions.  But the good news is, I can finally see clearly.  It is like coming out a haze.  There is still much work to be done and my mind returns at times to place where no one can reach but I am stronger now.  I have made choices to connect with God in a more intentional way which is an indescribable feeling. He knows my hurt and is there to comfort me.

 

Gensis 50:20a "As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good..."